How I bled...

As the smoke slowly arose,

I could see my fading life's rose.

It started to lose it's lovely red,

And painfully, it was how I bled.

My blood meandered faithlessly,

When more eyes aimed me. Sheepishly,

I tried to forget and ignore

Still, I started turning ever sore.

I thought I'd walked past my morose history,

And this time indeed, it was only my victory.

But, they say, the history repeats itself,

So it did, more painfully than I'd before felt.

A more intense blow of hatred punched this time,

Even though I was surrounded by the real sublimes.

Everything that I always wished to avoid,

Came rushing to saturate me as if I were totally void.

Another billion insults came to reside within me, through this air,

And confirmed me that even this time for me, the game of life would not be fair -

As in a new place with new people, a new spate of obscenity will pull me in,

And throw me out in the open drenched in the thick blood of their doomed sins.

Everytime I wonder why can everyone read my weakness through my damp face?

Why only some ugly sets of words approach me to lovingly embrace?

Today, my very ambience has become so pitiably uninviting.

I shiver whenever a new face sees the real me through my plastic hiding.

It pains when I blink my eyes,

Swollen and fatigued they are, after spending all their hope of finding someone nice.

Everyday, a new beginning and the same old end has made my ties with luck loose,

It hurts as much as when blood gushes strongly through the veins beneath a bruise.

What echoes in my ears everytime is that sound of rough chuckles

I feel if I'm woven by a sharp dozen of closed sickles!

Each day I know I'm losing myself into this maze of cursed tests,

I'm never helped by anyone in my excruciating quests.

What I know is that I'll remember all this even after I die.

I'll remember that each cause that required me to cry.

I'll ask for clarification from Him, the Lord,

Why out of everyone I know, He made me so disgustingly odd?

I've decided firmly to sleep forever,

It's pros and cons are indeed in my favour.

I feel breathless after pondering over every word that they had bluntly said

And by the smile lighting up their faces when they saw how painfully I bled.

It shattered

She walked away simply without letting me again speak,

I winced after realizing that everything had become bleak.

All the enthusiasm I had the previous night had withered and died,

When the next day she turned me down with looks full of snide.

Blood drained from my face and my head started to spin,

This time, at any exquisite cost, my heart wanted to win!

A pool of dizzying images rushed to fill my dry, astonished eyes,

And there I was, drowning in the tears of many counterfeit lies.

My desire this time was like the uncratered moon,

It was sure that this time it would avoid meeting the doom.

But with her refusal my moon drifted upwards, getting pale,

And finally it became the colour of stars, faded and stale.

What all I had planned sunk in my transparent tears,

My heart pleaded for relief as it's vision had become unclear.

I trembled after she gave me a disapproving smile from her fine lips.

The new dawn of life within me became an immortal eclipse.

I had already seen the lovely future having us holding hands

While we walked bare-footed on the tingling sandy lands.

I was slapped by this undiscovered form of future nostalgia

When I realized that overwhelmingly I had surrendered my intelligentsia.

I was sure that our story wouldn't conclude atleast in this way,

But it did after fading all the hues of my uncared hope into grey.

Our love story started with a prologue accentuating the red rose of autumn

And after 100 blank pages ended with the epilogue stating that my love blossomed out of season.

She never spoke anything to me but her looks explained it all,

With grief, I decided to jump into an unstoppable fall.

All the shimmer of joy started to lose itself in that new moon night

And disappeared with reluctance before my gaping sight.

This is how it all shattered into impossible-to-mend pieces,

This is how it escaped from my hand, much beyond my reaches.

This is how it buried itself into the grave of despondence

And this is how I broke with my solemnly cursed exuberance.

I just wonder if it would have happened the way I had wanted,

How mesmerizingly our relationship would have been flaunted.

We would have loved each other with so loyalty, truth and integrity,

That every creature in love would have remembered our name till eternity.