Gaping Hole

I blinked to shed the tears
Which fell on my splinched heart.
They wanted to heal the loss
Or at least make a little start.

But my eyes were old
Unable to help the remaining me.
The tears only wetted my heart
And my soul still screamed.

I always ended up in mess
Despite all my regular prayers.
I was slowly breaking down
My heart was losing its layers.

I was becoming a stalk
Devoid of a single petal.
The gentle morning sun made me feel
Like a cold tongue glued on burning metal.

The life He made me slip into
Was a life of complete despair.
What if I committed 100 murders in my last birth?
Still the punishment I received was not fair!

Death in one stroke is so convenient
Dying everyday is hell.
I feel like a helpless crab
Acid is raining on my perforated shell.

I'm clearly mauled by fate
Cursed with a feeble heart.
I'm ordered to walk in this world
Tied in the depths of a wheel-less cart.

And now my strength is breaking
While my heart decays.
I feel a hole building up inside my chest
When I'm rendered translucent in the sun-rays.

When will these pains be revoked?
When will I learn to smile?
Will I ever own a home?
Or eternally stay into exile?

Some answers are all I need
No more confusion I can bear!
Can someone fill my gaping hole?
Can anyone hear?

Confessions of a Son

I am trapped in this place
Lacking affection, love and solace.
I had always known that it had never belonged to me
But still I poured oil in the lamp which radiated glee.

Here I am surrounded by strangers
Among whom one is my father.
It is only his face which I find familiar
Otherwise, we both are completely dissimilar.

There is no sign of understanding between us
My every word seems a lie to him; he calls me a liar.
His indifference causes so much fuss
That it intervenes to spark my cold fire.

He yells at my demands
And expects that in return, I'll obey all his commands.
He tries to slit open my privacy whenever he gets a chance,
And if I retaliate, he jumps into a bitter trance.

I lose everytime in the pursuit of getting understood,
And I'm declared rude whenever I try to behave good.
My every good deed is deemed as a selfish intention
Despite having him around me, I feel dejection.

We live under the same roof
And we've been living together since 17 years.
But we are strangers for each other
Living in an environment of uneasiness and fears.

Whenever he inflicts a moist kiss upon my forehead
Burns my skin and instantly it turns red.
There is strong apathy floating in the air around us everytime
Which asks not to pretend that we care for each other - it's a crime.

So much lack of understanding has pushed us apart,
Today, we both know, is too late to make a new start.
Now he cannot ever have a better view of my mind
And when I try to see with his eyes, I feel so blind.

Do I even see the world the same way as he does?
There is so much difference in our opinions.
The thing I approve of is disliked by him
Our thoughts and ideas have never matched atleast once.

With time we're drifting farther away from each other
It has become just too difficult to be together.
There is aggression in the air he exhales when I'm around,
And I ignore if he summons me as if I had never heard his sound.

With time the situations are undoubtedly getting uglier
We just cannot peacefully sit and get the misunderstandings cleared.
I know he wants to talk to me and I wish to forgive him
But if we near each other to fulfil our desires, the air again turns grim.

The Oasis

It seemed that I had been walking forever
Reaching nowhere.
There was only heat, dryness and solitude
Beside the intense despair.

The desert was endless and totally arid,
My throat felt dry.
I decided to drink my tears to quench this thirst
But my eyes refused to cry.

I couldn't feel life in my feet
They were as hard as rock.
But I continued my journey on
As I was still able to walk.

Hazy memories of my past gave me strength
And I left behind one after the other sand-dune.
They produced some impeccable music and asked me
To come and discover the source of that tune.

So I didn't pause in my pursuit at all
Of emerging successfully out of this pain
I ignored that blood which oozed out from my old scars,
I only dreamt of relishing the water of the scented rain.

After walking for several more days,
I saw a lake and lush green trees.
I rejected my vision as an illusion
But then I felt a serene breeze.

Immediately my rough, dry skin softened
And I could feel a pulse.
My thoughts started to become clearer
I remembered why I was in this desert at once.

I went to the lake and studied my reflection
I realized that I had become a stranger for my eyes.
Before I could feel comfortable with my new appearance
I was disturbed by some cheerful noise.

Some kids were playing happily behind me,
Nudging and elbowing each other while they tossed the ball.
I wondered what kind of a desert this was,
There was much too joy for such a dry place to stall.

After reflecting for a few more minutes, I decided to move ahead
I saw a lady twenty yards away, feeding the dogs some crisp bread.
She saw me approaching and at once stood up looking in my direction
I was sure she felt uncomfortable by my clothing and complexion.

But she announced affectionate words of welcome
Which I wasn't used to hearing.
I became sure that it was all a dream, a nightmare,
So much radiations of love stops my healing.

I turned around and started to run,
But this oasis had no bounds.
After shooting glances in all the 8 directions,
I noticed around me were only green grounds.

I started to feel claustrophobic in the open air,
It made me dizzy and I almost fell down -
But two firm hands held me in position,
And unknowingly my face exposed a frown.

That fellow helped me stand and tried to wipe my tear stains,
And declared that I needn't go anywhere.
I fired all the questions which were hovering in my mind
To which he replied with utmost satisfaction and care.

He told me, "The worst is over now,
You needn't wander anymore.
You fought all the miseries which came in your life
And now, nothing more you have to endure."

His remark washed away all my questions at once
I realized that I have reached my goal.
I had finally crossed the desert of despair,
Again, I had found my beautiful soul.

I thanked him and started to walk in the direction of the breeze,
This new knowledge cemented the truth that I was re-born.
While licking the pure air I understood that,
'The darkest hour of night was indeed just before the dawn'.

Happy birthday

When the grey clouds covered my chagrined hopes

And I couldn't find anybody whom I belonged

When I was alone, figuring out why I was even born

I felt a hand upon my shoulder which made me feel strong.

When there was no light in my already faded life

I feared losing myself completely into the dark.

It was then a figure approached me with a smile

Carrying with itself merriness and an unforgettable spark.

I was almost sunken into my fears when it caught my hand

And slowly it started pulling me to safety.

Blinded, I was, and confused too at its gesture,

Because it appeared happy, after saving me, greatly.

It wiped away those permanent tears which my eyes held

And tried to make me stand on my own.

I had forgotten completely how to walk in this world

But it helped me balance myself and said that now I wasn't alone.

It always supported me and never let anything happen

That could make me depressed or cry.

It always thundered happiness into my desert

And rained over me whenever I felt dry.

It always stood like a support beside me

And allowed me to grip it tight if I ever dwindled.

It started storing bulks of dreams into my rusted closet

And separated joys from my sorrows which were complicatedly mingled.

It fought the world for me while I assembled the pieces of my dreams

And shielded me from every rough gale.

I never realised that I had been protected below a big umbrella

While it bleeded due to the attack of the heavy hail.

It made my life so easy and so perfect

It never allowed me to feel any pain.

It cried my tears if I was upset

But never it permitted my stem to turn arcane.

Today, on January 6, I write about her

It is her birthday.

I was blessed when she was born

As she separated me from all my dismay.

I can never thank her enough

No amount of any thing can equal her.

It always makes my heart moist

When I think how much she has sacrificed for me to prosper.