My eyes say it

I need a needle to slit my eyes so that I'm able to show the real dismay I'm in,
I want blood to drop with my tears to express how much guilt I was able to win!
I was refused once again to submit any of my aspiration in the plethora of dreams,
I was forcefully pushed to lie on a bed on knives to produce some crass screams!

I was pushed away, I was kicked with awe, I was hurt with the weapon of curses,
I was trampled upon; they tried to erase my existence yet again.
I was confused, I was rejected, I tried to be jolly even though I knew I was dying,
I was hated, I was not appreciated, I cried when I was encouraged to cut my vein.

I was asked to choose between a painful life and a comfortable death,
I was asked to cut open my heart and leave this world without taking another breath.
I was compelled to see a jaunty future in the lives of all those who were related to me,
When I would accept to erase my shadow and refuse to ask for a long life in my plea.

I felt aspyxiated when I saw how unlucky my presence is to all of my dear ones,
Because of me, even they had to break the knots which held all their happiness once.
Everytime my presence makes a flashy growing flower bud change into an ugly fern,
And whenever I step into the Church of Joy, I find its divine walls tremble and the offerings burn.

My life has recorded every new start as a tremour of a harsh ending,
Even if fruits grow over the tree of my life, it does not show any bending.
It stands erect, ugly, without any blissful flowers adorning it's chipped bark,
No virtue of nature was able to pluck it out of the excruciating dark.

I feel so distorted; even I cannot fetch myself out from the latent pool of loneliness,
It is almost everytime I come back into this water even if I try to hold some happiness.
The past ruins of my life abrupt the new infrastructure of joy to come in the process of construction,
I'm holding the bricks and the cement but I lack hands that could help me out with affection.

Every passing day pushes me higher into the steps of the ironic Roman Coliseum,
Every new face I see retards me into a more dishonest grave of hurting delirium.
The ecstasy of living into this great sad world has all abolished from me,
And I feel even more morose when I find that now my desert cannot ever enjoy a breeze.

I wait for miracles everyday to come and swirl its wand of magic and help me out,
And tell this world that the songs I sing are melody, not a sample of disgraceful shouts.
If God exists, why does not he come and wipe even a single tear from my agnostic vision?
I believe in holy things, then why do all the clouds of my hope produce noise after every collision?

I've become so secretive and my eyes enigmatical due to the circumstances I live in,
Still they are able to reflect every loss of my life even though my lips are able to grin.
If anyone tries to look through them, he would get me all nude trying to protect myself -
In the tattered sheet of happiness and in some pale rags of more self-confidence.

I have emotions, I feel bad, I feel hurt whenever I see people degrade my esteem,
But, I'm so weak, I cannot respond with vigour or valiance to shield my remaining gleam.
Because of everything, I may look indifferent, arrogant and maybe plastic,
But I cry everyday and all the tormence I endure and the pain I live, my eyes say it...

Apology

I blend all the words of regret into one,
And say it all to you before my eyes run-
Some unworthy, meaningless matter of grief,
Like opaque droplets of dew on a pestilence-stricken leaf.
I never react in the way the situations ask me,
Instead, I mess it all as much as I can see.
There is hardly any method I can adopt to get rid of my behavior,
Why cannot any mortal walk into my life and be my Savior?
Why don’t I mean it when I say, "I didn't mean it!"
Why I lack firmness in my voice and a determination quite grit?
Why I ruin everything when the infrastructure hardens into a palace,
Why I resist whenever my friends try to bring bliss in my life,
Which is something the most I miss?
I know I'm upto no use, I cannot do anything sane,
Still, I want that I should never utter any phrases profane.
It hurts others and later it wounds me the most,
When I realize how much I could worsen the conditions.
It mocks my friends who hold my hand and confidentally boast-
That I'm the one who will help his friends in all situations.
Everytime I break the trust which is put upon me with confidence,
It is regularly that I spit my all frustration in the form of defiance.
I don't blame my friends if they come and slap my ego,
Because I know it's I who has caused the wind to push the first domino.

I just want to say that I'm sorry, yet again.
Forgive me for all those things which fetched you pain.
I am like this, mad & weird, I am upto no good,
I am not worth your tears; I'm not worth your anger.
It's sad for me that my every initiative comes to an end.
Please, you move ahead leaving me here,
Because when I see you trust, your love, your selflessness,
Everyday I realize, I'm not worth being anyone's friend…

I Try, I Fail

I try, I fail.
I toiled hard to become a better person,
I was on the verge of attracting all happiness,
All for myself, but I couldn’t.
Joy changed it’s direction as soon as it saw me,
When I held a glass for collecting the glee.

I try, I fail,
Whenever I stand under the boisterous clouds,
In the hope that they would spell some showers.
I am so mistaken.
The patch I am on is a desert.
And so are my little innocuous dreams,
Dry and infertile, unable to grow into green saplings.

I try, I fail,
Everytime I want to wear my own skin.
But when I was rejected by my kin,
I collapsed into this world full of sins.
There was no perforation in the azure sky,
Through which some sunlight could escape,
And fill light in my unspecial life, draped
In the stubs of meaningless verses.
Everything around brought me obscene curses.

I try, I fail,

Whenever I wish to paint my love.
I thought of holding her hand forever,
But when she came to me by herself,
The circumstances prohibited me
To reach to her heart.
She looked amazed and her eyes were left to dart,
My response in this wordly world
Where I had no belongings.
Today, my rhythmic heart cannot sing.
Today, my hopes have got no wings.

Whenever I try, I fail.
I’m standing infront of the mirror of life.
Where’s my reflection?
I just see layers of mist over it,
When I try to look into it.
My existence is not specified,
My eyes have already cried,
When someone tried to erase my present.
A friend said few words, though hesitant,
I was discouraged.

I try, I fail,
In the pursuit of becoming a jovial man,
And rise up from this satanic world.
Conditions around force me to realize,
I’m different but not special.
I’ve got mettle but I’m not presentable.
I’ve smiles but I’m not cheerful.
I have a complex simplicity.
All this confuses me today,
I ask myself,
Even if I try, not to be pale,
Why do I always fail?

Friendship

Those days have gone when I had no one to wipe my tears of failure,
Which I had shed when everyone forced me to adopt the bitterst discomfiture.
Those days have gone when I had no support to hold whenever I trembled on the path of life,
Which was due to the hatred of every mortal around me who tried to stab me with a sharp knife.

I never found an aid which could relieve the tanned flesh of my uncared wounds,
I had never felt any sensation that could comfort my soul or allow some roses to bloom –
In the graveyard of my dead hopes, with love and some water of divine affection,
And also smoothen the pace of my heart beats and lubricate my life affected by friction.

Today, I breathed a different feeling, a different tingle of comfort soothed me,
When I found that there are some people who, in every condition, would love me.
I could see love brimming up in their eyes when I thanked them for giving me a company,
They were the ones, who came like a storm in my life and filled it with the most charming harmony.

I was always surrounded by the pool of broken glass that tried to hurt my happiness,
I found no one who could change them into some little mirrors that focused all joy towards me.
But, today, I’ve found friends who will be forever with me to fill colours in my dull life,
And surely behave as those mirrors always trying to reflect towards me the most blissful glee.

Today I can say that I’ve got everything in my life and I don’t need anything more,
Friendship is perhaps the best thing created by nature to explore.
It has all ability to heal even the gangrene of loneliness that cannot be easily cured,
And the essence of comfort and the beauty of affection that can be allured.

Friendship is the best gift one can recieve from the sweet Lord,
It can give you all strength to make the horizons of your dreams broad.
I feel so ecstatic to finally find myself wrapped in the most pretty virtue of frindship,
Which is indeed the most special gift I recieved after years of my regular worship.

I love my friends, especially Aishwarya, Apoorv, Smriti, Aashima and Samarth!! You gave me life guys. I live for you. Thanks for everything! I may not be able to repay the love you gifted me. I'm just glad to know you all. I feel the luckiest person on the planet at the moment! :)