Irritating Internet

Not even a tear rolled down my eye,
When my internet finally died.
It lived only with the help of medicines,
No pities! It had committed so many sins!

My net was never normal,
Its ventral view was as weird as the dorsal.
It never showed that it was all right,
And always wanted that with it, I should fight!

I always went offline before I could come online,
My net only gave me anger to dine.
It required a lot of patience to work on it,
And mental strength to survive its fits!

I pity my friends who only receive my 'hi',
And when I come back, I get their angry 'bye'!
My friendship ties have loosened because of this internet,
Huh! It is nothing more than an inanimated brat!!

I'm sick of "the page cannot be displayed!"
My net never allows me to come online without a delay!
And whenever I try to reconnect the server,
It just shows error, error and ERROR!

Mr. Internet, do you wish to challenge me?
I warn you, I'm not a sapling but a strong tree.
Darling, if at all you try to disconnect again,
You'll lose your components and your vein -

Which charges you to irritate me,
On every occasion when I feel at ease.
If you wish that I should not puncture you,
Mend your ways and don't force me to get blue.

I will break you into pieces and bits,
If you again dare to show me your nasty wits!
Behave normal with me and stay tender,
Because in your comparison, I'm wilder!!

Goodbye

Wish I could live more,
Wish my life gave me a door,
Behind which happiness laid unused,
And some hope which wasn't fused.

Wish I could just once feel bliss,
And find something special that I may miss.
If I decide to end my life,
That thing would give me a new reason to live!

Wish someone gave me a hug for the last time,
So that atleast during dying I felt sublime.
And a tissue to wipe my tears,
Along with that energy that wipes away all my distilled fears-

To fight my conscience that stops me,
From escaping this world by falling free -
By myself, into the thorns of death,
The place where I cannot restore a single breath!

Even if I opened my eyes and looked around,
Only pain and blood my little eyes ever found.
Even if I stood facing the sun,
I felt its shadow shading my unshaded fun!

For me 'fun' does not mean to enjoy,
It means to peacefully decay and cry.
I'm finally shedding the last strand of my survival,
Because I'm punctured by numerous decievals.

It has ended for me,
Now I have no hope and no scope to kiss the glee.
Only one word leaves my lips into the air,
Which says 'goodbye' to this world's affairs!

The only grief I'm taking with myself is,
I couldn't prove myself here.
My spirit is feeling insulted for it was me,
Whom it was ordered to bear!

I've started to drown,
In the intensity of the frowns.
Now nowhere I could be seen,
Trying to protect my awful sheen!

She Couldn't Live More

Life had ended for her that very day,
When she found herself chained in utter dismay.
She never thought that she could be targeted,
And her joy would be mercilessly bracketed.

This is a warm story of a once jubilant girl,
Who was the life in the many happy curls -
Of affection, love, friendship and trust.
People cared for her with all their thrust.

She always used to stay safe and jaunty,
Nothing in this world had that vehement effrontery -
To trouble her and distance her from the joys of this life,
As she was mostly frothing up and engaged in innocent jives.

But still she felt some loneliness despite all this,
She felt that her life still did not give her bliss!
She longed for a true love that could complete her,
And then even her weak wings would flutter!

Then came that day when she saw a guy,
She was open-mouthed by the charm he lifted.
Slowly she became close to him and finally his love,
She started to feel she was really blessed and gifted!

Her attraction towards him caused some discomfort in others,
Her friends tried to avoid her as much as possible.
All their affection retrieved quite harshly,
And that stunned girl looked helpless and deplorable!

There were tears in her eyes, and her voice screeched;
As in front of the Almighty she wept and beseeched
To give her back those friends which were lost,
And that luck which this world had once brought.

But the Lord had no plans to heed her prayers,
So she started losing her charm layers by layers.
The only good now she had was that boy,
And with him she planned to live her remaining life with joy.

He was the perfect blend of everything she needed,
And slowly she started recovering her losses and was again beaded -
Into the delicate string of her happiness and life,
Which was once attacked by a blunt knife.

He was all she wanted,
She loved him a lot despite she was often taunted.
Finally this world secluded her from it,
And did not care even if she might break in bits.

In awe and madness, she cut herself occasionally,
And packed her open wounds with salt painfully.
She became addicted to this feel of anguish and suffering,
And only the verses of melancholy her heart was able to sing!

But, her love was still with her,
He was the remedy of her every sad spur.
They stayed together and that boy became ever close,
To her and whenever they were together, the time froze.

His guffaw vibrated the strings of happiness within her,
Which went mute after that final stir -
Of dejection and the endless tears,
Which were intimately brought to her by her very own dear(s).

A feel of restlessness and grief could be always spotted in her deep eyes,
Which was always conspicuous even though that pain she tried to hide.
She never wanted him to feel sad because she was unhappy,
She only longed to see him smiling and jolly!

The day she kissed him went a long way to wean,
That hatred, contempt and the subsequent gangrene.
That day they swore to each other that they will always be together,
And at any case, both will prevent each other to suffer!

The boy brought a wave of happiness and colours in her faded vision,
Which she accepted readily without any hesitation.
She was so glad to see that the rainbow was no more grey,
And the sun indeed shone bright during the day.

She responded effectively to his love,
She sang songs for him, kissed him and loved him.
Her loyalty for him could be definitely used for giving an example of,
She fought those things which dared to bring him some intense grim.

So, their love for each other was so true and ideal,
But it all collapsed that day when it brought a sharp ordeal.
He called her up and said with a low tone,
That he loved her no more!

He emphasized that they can be friends even then,
But they won't display that intimacy.
She will continue to occupy a place in his mind, which was indeed special,
And that promise was indeed no fallacy.

She went numb after listening to what he said,
She did not utter a word and sat quietly on her bed.
He was still on the phone asking her not to weep any tear,
But she did not respond as if nothing she could hear!

She opened a drawer and took out a bottle of sleeping pills,
She needed them for sleep everynight.
But that night was different, important,
So she took out a handful of pills and simply watched them by her sight.

Then there was a thud and she fell on the floor,
After staring those pills and pondering over his words more.
The sleeping pills scattered all over the place after falling from her hand,
So amazing, they were not responsible for her death!

The words of that boy choked her life and she died,
This much was her love for him and she never even tried to hide
It from him, still he betrayed her love and behaved so sore,
Whatever may be, now she couldn't live more...

If I Could

If I could have stopped you timely,

You would have been with me today.

If I could have been wise in making friends,

I wouldn't have been crying in dismay.

If I could have known what life means,

I wouldn't have slit open my vein.

If I could have understood what you feel,

I would have never suffered any pain.

If I could have seen the future,

I would have easily escaped today's torture.

If I could have learnt to smile,

Then today I wouldn't be slowly dying.

If I could have been a good person,

I would have many friends.

If I could have been what I am,

Many would have served me with their helping hands.

If I could have seen the sun,

I would have never thought to live in the dark.

If I could have seen a conflagration,

I would have never rejoiced at a mere spark.

If I could have longed to win,

I would have never faced defeats.

If I could have cared for my losses,

I would have avoided my eyes to bleed.

If I could have tasted affection,

I wouldn't have been ever alone.

If I could have been more open and social,

I wouldn't be ever considered as a drone.

If I could have dreamt about happiness,

I wouldn't have got these sad days.

If I could have been bold,

I wouldn't be the target of an awful gaze.

If I could have desired to stay jaunty,

I wouldn't have ever cried.

If I could have kissed a fresh petal,

My spirits wouldn't have dried.

If I could have learnt to fly,

I wouldn't have become an awful burden.

If I could have been trained to retaliate,

I wouldn't have broken because of a single hurdle.

If I could have been faithful myself,

I would have won loyal cronies.

If I could have been equal to all,

I wouldn't have got so many enemies.

If I could have been sane and homely,

I wouldn't be tagged by everyone as 'lonely'.

If I could have just wished that, "If I could",

I wouldn't have attracted those termites to feast on my life's wood.

Hundred Miles

I decided to hunt for you after spending days alone,
Because of my relentless ignorance, so far you had gone.
But I was firm to decide that I'll again make it all right,
And if the destiny favoured us, we would never ever fight.

Pondering over the maxim, 'if there is a will, there is way',
I set off to find you even on that sweltering day.
I wanted to end the bitterness of our relation and again become gay,
So, I just left for you without making a further delay.

On the way your thoughts were hovering above me,
Which helped me sustain that sunny day.
They behaved to be that cozy shade of a helping tree,
And gave vibrations to my lips when I had nothing to say.

In the hope of meeting you and shedding our hatred I moved on and on,
I never realized that when the time elapsed from the dusk to a new dawn.
Even a diminutive thought of yours gave me immense energy to walk,
And opened new dimensions in my parochial mind which was seldom blocked!

But girl, where are you today?
There are many things which I feel I should say.
I've searched thousand places but nowhere could I find
You, despite I've already walked a hundred miles...

I'm standing amidst dust and confusion,
Where my rusted hopes are demanding protection.
My vision has reached the remotest corners of all directions,
But nowhere could they trace any affection.

What shall I do? I'm quite in a fix,
Shall I quit the idea of making a home with our love's bricks?
The distance between us has widened so much,
That even if you hug me, I wouldn't be able to feel your touch.

I'm unable to hear those timid beats of your heart,
And find your doting eyes, quite dark.
I feel like crooning my misery to this world,
Wish, for the last time if I could smell your perfumed curls.

I desire to meet you girl, but I'm extremely helpless and afraid,
If I'm unable to find you, certainly I'll go under the blade.
Still I don't know if I should go ahead with my journey,
Or take a U-turn and choke that hope which I finally received from my destiny?

I've decided.
I'll walk ahead and cover another hundred miles to reach you.
Because if I retreat my steps, I still can't avoid to walk those hundred miles,
Which I had covered already from the place I had started.

As you sow, so shall you weep!

He was well acquainted with the fact that she loved him,
Still whenever he saw her, he simply gave a grin.
He gave no attention towards her love in any way,
But her love was divine, intensified with the passing days.

She was totally smitten by him and whatever he did,
Only for him, her beating heart she bid.
She always tried to make him as happy as possible.
Even though she tried to hide her love, it was palpable.

The affection for him was so conspicuous in her shy eyes,
Like those sunrays which penetrate the clouds in the azure skies.
His smile, his jokes would fill her with tremendous glee,
And she realised that she was as lucky as one could be.

If she was around, he would never feel down,
She made him feel like a newly coronated King holding his crown.
But he was so selfish to appreciate her and accept,
That she was the 'only one' for him whom his heart has rejected.

He stayed with her, talked with her and even laughed with her,
The every secret of his life she had known.
But still that guy resisted accepting that truth,
Which said that only her love he could possibly own.

She took care of all those small things which fetched him joy,
And she always wished to see him happy and satisfied.
If he won something, she would become happier than him,
And longed to fill even more colours in his life which he called 'dim'.

Still he never listened to what the circumstances shouted,
And ignored her love which had already sprouted,
In the hope of becoming a tree with his love and affection.
He was well aware of this but he never paid any attention.

He used to love a different girl,
He believed that in his oyster's life, she was the fresh pearl.
His all attention and love revolved around her,
And whenever he saw her, he would be filled with spur.

He tried to enter into her life as a friend,
He even succeeded to get friendship from her end.
And with time, he became her preference,
Which forced that boy to float with happiness.

She noticed her love going away from her,
But she was so honest and true that she never murmured.
Just to see him happy, she killed her love,
And decided to lead her life in a separate tragic world.

Meanwhile, that boy was spending the best days of his life,
With that girl with whom he was terribly infatuated.
He cared for no one save her,
And left that girl who loved him, alone and dejected.

Then that hard day came in his life,
When he had to approach his love and say -
"I love you a lot, and want you to stay with me always,
If you go, darkness would conquer my serene days."

The girl looked upon him with awe and confusion,
And without grief, firmly rejected his proposal.
She only demanded an immortal friendship from him,
If he didn't give her that, she wouldn't include him in her kin.

This statement of her broke that boy,
He went under depression and couldn't afford to behave coy.
He thought how she can be so dismissive towards her love,
Even though his love his eyes always showed her.

This thought shook his mind with high tremours,
He remembered that love stuffed compactly in her -
His friend who always wanted him to stay happy,
And for him, she choked her love and never behaved crabby!

I know that guy, he's filled with repentance and remorse,
He asks me if he should go to her and roar,
"Forgive me and forget me because I'm not worth you,
Whatever I did to you was so rude!

Obviously I neither deserve your apology,
Nor I can say, I wish if you could again love me.
I guess I deserve to live lost somewhere in the deep,
I've realised, as you sow, so shall you weep!"

I'm sorry girl, really sorry...

The Blue-moon Night

In the blue-moon night when the moonlight falls
On her, she remembers what befalled
A month ago in front of her eyes,
And so she starts to walk in that night.

She unlatches her door and steps out.
Her restlessness even orders the serenity to shout -
And ask her to stay back.
But the ability to understand, she lacked.

She walks with a slower pace and energy
Passing the houses of the priests and the clergy.
And then as usual she steps on the rail,
In every blue-moon night without a fail.

She walks on it without a fear,
Even though those approaching trains she could hear.
What went on in her mind was always a mystery,
As no one bothered to peep into her history.

Then she used to change her direction,
Towards an uninviting forest lacking affection.
She used to enter it quite bold,
With no trace of fear forcing her heart to get cold.

She stops by a particular tree and looks up at the moon,
Whose light falls on a statue standing there.
Slowly she overcomes her baffled doom,
As that statue gets life and starts to stare.

She gets filled with joy as she hugs the animated statue,
Who was of her lover.
And eventually his heart begins to regain its hue,
Making her ever happier.

Because of a curse her love had lost his life,
And in that forest he stood petrified.
He could only become normal and right,
If his body felt that blue-moon's light.

This made her walk towards the forest once in every fortnight,
She didn't fear the dark; she had conquered all her fright.
She used to stay with him until the dawn,
Because with the rising sun he would again stiffen and his life would be gone.

Everytime she cries a tear or two at that spot,
And then retraces her steps back home with that little joy she got-
After meeting her beloved, even though for a short time,
But that was sufficient enough for her to stay sublime.

So in order to meet her man she walks,
Despite she comes to hear lots of disgust-filled talks.
But this shows how true she is towards him,
As she comfortably ignores all those hurting whims.

मेरे जीवन की नाव

मैं झूमता हुआ चलता था, कभी उन लहरों की मस्ती में

कभी इधर, कभी उधर बिना किसी चिंता के।

मैं सवारियां भी ले जाता था, इस छोर से उस छोर तक,

जब सूरज की किरणें मुझे देखती थीं एक टक।

मैं बड़ा ही मज़बूत था,

बड़ी से बड़ी लहरों में मैं नही डगमगाया।

पूरी ताकत से चीर उन लहरों को,

यात्रियों को उस पार पहुँचाया।

परन्तु आज मेरे ऊपर कुछ अत्यधिक भार है,

ये यात्री जिम्मेदारी से बढ़कर हो गए हैं।

इनके वज़न तले मैं अब दबा जा रहा हूँ,

उस पार जाने की आकांक्षा तो मुझमे है, पर मैं क्या करूँ?

एक ओर जिम्मेदारी का दबाव,

तो दूसरी ओर उन कठोर लहरों का बहाव।

इन सबने मुझे हानि पहुंचाई है,

और इस कारण मेरा तल कमज़ोर बन गया है।

धीरे-धीरे पानी मेरे भीतर आने लगा है,

और इस कारण मेरी मादकता एवं हिम्मत डगमगाने लगी है।

मैं कब तक संभाले रख पाउँगा खुदको?

मैं जीना तो चाहता हूँ पर कोई राह नही दिख रही मुझको।

अब चूँकि मेरे अन्दर असफलताएँ भरने लगी हैं,

ये मुझपर आतंरिक दबाव डाल रही हैं।

ऐसा लग रहा है कि जो नदी पहले मेरे जीवन की ज़रूरत थी,

आज वही नदी मेरी कब्र को भी स्थान देगी।

The path was simple but complex

I decided to move on and forget my irksome past,
I chose a path and started to walk fast.
My mind was still preoccupied with those miseries,
Which I forgot to shun as I left in a hurry!

I reached a fork where the path splitted into two,
One was simple and other one looked difficult and blue.
My energy was all lost after fighting my personal troubles,
So I chose the easier path to walk further.

This path looked simple, had trees and shade,
Unlike the other one which had thorns, and flowers with blades.
The path I chose atleast had some light to guide my way,
Because the other path was lightless and grey.

I started to walk on the path I had chosen,
Carrying those feelings and hopes which were brutally broken.
I focused sharply my vision to see how long the path was,
It's stretch put my expectation to a pause.

Still, I started my journey through it,
I walked all day and decided to stop by the dusk.
I was amazed to realise that there was no proper place to rest,
There were only some dried leaves and scattered husk.

I felt pretty confused then regarding what to do,
There seemed no end of that path.
Soon the weather also started changing,
From calmness towards immense wrath!

I ran towards a tree that could shelter me,
And protect me from that harsh storm.
I was not alone who wanted protection,
Slowly that place was also occupied by worms.

I felt I was as weak as a worm,
Because even I couldn't face the storm.
I opted to escape that difficulty,
Rather than to act smart and strongly.

The entire scene dragged me to my past.
The path, the storm, the worms all had meanings -
Different from their usual ones,
Like, life, hurdles and weaknesses repectively.

To fetch me more friends, some of my dear ones told me a way,
I quite resisted what they wanted me to do.
I had a reason why I couldn't accomplish their wish,
But they didn't find my reason any true.

Their method was the same as the path I had chosen,
It was maybe simple and clear but long.
It would take years to complete it,
And even then there would be no assurance that I'll emerge strong.

Perhaps they wanted me to take an easy route,
But then I would be shakening all my roots.
The difficult path is certainly more feasible,
Even though walking through it seems impossible!

Love claimed her wings

She rests on a bed made up of stems and branches,
And with the leaves making the mattress.
She lies there comfortably throughout the chilling night,
Undisturbed by anyone who could harass.

She looks up and stares the sky,
And notices the crescent moon and the stars.
She gets filled with joy,
As that view heals all of her scars.

But she was not a common girl,
She lived in solitude above the clouds.
In an accident she lost her wings,
Those wings which always made her proud.

She had a lover, who lived down below,
And every night she would descend to meet him.
But now she couldn't do so,
Which filled her with remorse and grim.

Therefore she looked towards the moon every night,
For a company quite bright.
And even the numerous stars which shone,
But unlike the moon they had never grown.

She remembers that unholy night,
When she fluttered her wings with all the might,
And descended down to meet her love,
Ever happily with her pet dove.

She met him as always in the park.
The moonlight never made that place dark.
But on that unholy occasion there was no light,
Because it was a new moon night.

She stepped on the ground and looked around,
But in immense darkness nobody she found.
In confusion, she stepped onto the street,
With the hope that she would then meet -

Him, perhaps strolling nearby.
But she couldn't find him.
Mistakingly she came in the light,
And sadly caught many people's sight.

In fear, she tried to run away from the place,
Her dove also followed her in haste.
And then she rose up in the air,
Emanating dazzling colours full of flare.

She reached the clouds where she stayed,
And rested on her bed and prayed,
That her wings should be spared,
So that she doesn't become impaired.

If someone other than her lover saw her wings,
Then she had to shed them.
She did a blunder by coming into the sight of the people,
And so she had to lose her most valuable gem.

Her wings started to burn,
And she wept because now she could never meet her love.
Her love also cried inturn,
As this message was given to him by her dove.

So, every night, she gazes the moon,
And asks him why he couldn't come that night.
She knows that even her lover is watching this moon,
Such a trivial thing makes her bright.

She had no means to reach to him again,
But her dove is still there.
Everyday it takes her message to him,
And protects her feelings from getting meaningless or bare!

She Misses Him

It isn't long since he last kissed her.
It is just yesterday when their arms locked.
She was quite difficult to please,
But he was no less to become the key,
To unlock her heart.

They met, they hugged, they loved each other.
Within days he became someone more than a stranger.
He was the one with whom she planned to spend her life,
She believed that only he could,
Satisfy her love.

Slowly and slowly their love became stronger,
And they wished to unite and couldn't wait any longer.
She also felt that no one can be as perfect as him,
With him she stayed happy every moment,
He fought all her troubles.

She was like the bud and he was the sepal,
Her belief was that with them nothing wrong can ever happen.
She was so wrong at deciding his future,
Though he never faced any serious torture,
But died in an accident.
Within fractions of nanoseconds his life came to an end.

She was told of his death the very next moment.
She rushed to that spot where his dead body had lain,
She stared at him in the hope he would get up,
But again, her expectations were in vain.
He was still.

She touched him, juddered him, kissed him,
But nothing could awaken him.
He appeared to lie in the deepest slumber,
Motionless and surrounded with blood,
How could he recover?

After seeing her love lying with patience,
She got up and left the place.
Thousands of thoughts were revolving in her mind,
Asking her questions about her love,
Which she had find -

Lying by the road, blood oozing from him,
She looked at the heaven with a grin.
And then again at him,
In the hope he will get up again,
And kiss her lips.

She reached her home back,
Quiet normally as everyday.
But that day was no more gay,
She sat by the window and looked out,
Puzzled and confused.

She started laughing and then she cried,
She herself wiped her tears and began to smile.
She became jaunty and then torn,
She appeared mad and confused,
She thought about him.

She changed her clothes and went to bed,
But got up again with eyes red.
She roared, she cried -
After realizing her man had really died.
And he would never come back.

She banged her head with the wall,
And under unconsciousness started to fall.
She rested on the floor that night.
She was still until the next day,
When the sun shone bright.

She dressed up as a bride,
She wore an overflowing white gown.
It was a special day, the calendar showed.
She was getting engaged by the evening,
With that guy she saw lying on the road.

She rushed to the Church and waited,
Her man would also come dressed like a prince.
Finally she felt, they would unite
And by the next fortnight,
She would be his wife.

She waited till midnight and then left,
Nobody came to attend her engagement.
She was totally bereft.
She decided to go to the hospital,
To take her love back.

The doctors guided her to the morgue,
Which chilled with artificial fog.
There her man lay covered in white,
She gazed at him again,
But this time her tears, even she could not wipe.

She lost her stability and cried on top of her voice,
She hugged the dead-body again and again,
The doctors had to drag her away from him,
Her madness was over the brim.

She was sent to a mental asylum,
Where she regained her original self.
So much pain had deprived her,
From ever laughing again.

Every night she asks God from her room,
Why did he do that to her?
What was the fault of her love,
That ultimately he had to leave this world.

It has been years now,
But she is still the same.
She can never improve her condition,
As she misses him.

With his death even her life had died,
She only existed without spirit.
From morning till the night,

She often stared out of the window with the doubt
That he is still alive and she could see him,
Moving somewhere in the crowd.

I'm not what I was

There was a time in the forgotten past when I used to smile.
I remember my face when my expressions were not docile.
I miss those smiles of mine which rocked my confidence,
And in no field I could see myself behind or defident.

Whenever I stepped onto the stage, I would win,
My eyes could clearly reflect my unmatched prepotence.
The fear in others could be seen when they were told,
Against whom they actually had to compete and stand bold.

I had an image full of flare and flamboyance,
And on my verdict nobody could stamp 'defiance'.
My life was once reeling and fascinating,
And everywhere I went immense comfort it would bring!

But with time I started to lose my charm.
I don't know if it were people or the careless me to blame for my harm.
I guess it was the unlucky time and the bad circumstances,
Which brought me, one after the other, doleful grievances.

I started to become aloof and indifferent,
And also haughty, callous and over-confident.
I cannot say what caused me to deplete,
But with passing time, I became used to defeats.

I lost my friends, I lost my happiness,
I lost my smiles and became sadly helpless.
I became a bird whose wings were broken,
And an empty treasure chest with the lid open.

I started changing from an elated person to a sad one,
Within few days my all exuberance was churned.
And the resultant fellow who then came,
Had no confidence and for every little thing,
It was only himself, he blamed.

He had no hope, no power to stand,
In this vast world, impeccably grand.
Those people who mocked him and insulted,
Were all encouraged because that guy never resisted.

He started losing his faith in life.
As for years, not even a single friend he could find.
He started falling after breaking into pieces,
As for him this world defined no goals or future reaches.

I'm so sad for achieving all losses after great victories,
I wish to see a happy life before I die in these miseries.
The once optimistic and victorious fellow is finding himself lost,
Because today, I've realised, I'm certainly not what I sometime was.

Misuse

I looked up at the sky,
And tried to count the stars.
I found the result coincide with,
The number of my painful scars.

I dipped my foot into the flowing water,
To know how it feels.
It felt exactly the same way as it did,
When I touched the blood of my dead dreams.

I plucked a jasmine and smelled it.
People say it smells the best.
It seemed I had known that smell before,
As my life's redolence was once like that.

I collected some scattered ash,
And tried to feel its pain.
I was so acquainted with the feeling,
As it felt I had cut my vein yet again.

I noticed some disseminated clouds,
Which were faded to grey.
I even observed some uncared wounds,
Which hoped to see another burnished day.

I saw the blot in the moon,
Which it tried to hide.
I hate when people try to conceal their weakness,
And pretend to appear even more bright.

I went to the river and stood still,
To feel the soothing breeze.
Trust me, I felt the same as if
I've seen a death and I'm about to freeze.

I saw a burnt rose in my way,
It asked so many questions.
I could only stare it in awe and say,
"Even my questions are unanswered!"

I picked up a diamond so pellucid,
Which presented immense beauty.
Wish my life wasn't rancid,
And I could also meet other people who weren't snooty.

I watched a candle for sometime,
And noticed its flame flicker.
It symbolized my unstable life,
Which is about to get over!

Yes, I've got no reason to live more.
All delights and hopes have shut their doors.
My soul is dead and I'm bruised,
Because a million times I was hurt and misused.

It rained that day

It was thundering outside
And I was freezing inside.
But the thought of seeing you as my bride,
Kept me warm that whole night.

The romantic weather,
And that peacock's feather
Which you gave me,
Made me dance a-flutter!

I dreamt about you with open eyes,
While my window pane was struck by buzzing flies.
I cuddled the cushion in my hand,
And started staring at the fan.

I thought about the day we had first met,
In a classroom when your hair were wet.
I was open-mouthed when I saw you first,
I wanted to speak to you; my patience started to burst.

Tonight's weather was so like that day,
And on a chair I comfortably lay.
I decided to look into our past,
Then my heart started to throb fast!

You tried to unlock your hair,
And that entire process I stared.
Your face got imprinted on my mind,
I could see only you and for the world I was blind!

Your talks, your chuckle,
Indeed brought in my life some new miracles.
You were exactly like a princess of the fairy tales,
Who looked pretty everytime without a fail!

Then comes our first touch,
I can never forget the way you blushed.
And then our first kiss,
So amazing was that feeling of bliss!

I held your hand and took you in the open,
Where it had been raining strong.
What happened between us then had to happen,
Because it was only I whom you belonged!

We danced to the rhythm of the water striking the roof,
And reacted to the noise of the thunder!
We sat on the thatch after the hoof,
Our all energy had tendered!

We came close to each other,
The Cupid's arrow even made her sweeter.
We locked our affection to become one,
Even the weather's dignity was shunned!

That rain of my life was the most memorable one I had,
I won her and I'm so glad.
I wanted to dream about all this again,
Her simplicity and beauty made me mad!

Another thunder juddered me,
I alighted and reached the window.
I know even she's missing me,
Because our love is not hollow!

"Sometimes it takes,
Water to kindle a fire.
Our love is at its best,
Thanks to the nature's lyre."

I'm Hurt

Some things are said with such bluntness,
That they appear sharp.
Sometimes sarcasm is carried with such politeness,
That it seems really harsh.

At times a joke is said so emotionally,
That it brings a tear.
There are cases when a fight's intensity,
Erases every shade of bold fear.

Sometimes a kiss given with all affection,
Can mean the final good-bye.
Sometimes achievements direct us to such heights,
That we wish if we could never fly!

It is not necessary that even during spring,
Every plant would bloom.
And even if you're living in happy days,
Does not saves you from again touching gloom.

Sometimes a true love can mean a bitter hatred.
Sometimes misunderstandings can widen with a pleasant word.
Sometimes a suggestion can make matters worse.
Sometimes a lubricant can make a surface coarse.

Even a song sung with rhythm and melody,
Can appear loud and uninviting.
And even if you share everything with your partner,
Can signify there is something serious which you are hiding.

Sometimes a prayer said with full concentration,
Can effectively symbolise a curse.
And even splashing some cool water on boiling milk,
Does not confirms that it wouldn't burst.

Sometimes sitting in a shade can mean,
You have no courage to face the sun.
Sometimes you can change everything,
When it seems nothing can be undone.

Sometimes a death can signify a new life.
Sometimes a victory can compel you to strife.
Sometimes being honest can end you up in trouble,
Sometimes saving someone from death can burst your own life bubble!

I'm hurt,
Because of a truth someone spoke to me.
I don't completely blame her,
As my perfection was what she intended to see.

But sometimes many things are interpreted wrongly,
And even standing in the middle of the crowd can make you lonely.
So, I feel, I shall forgive her for this,
Because her words didn't actually mean anything amiss.

Broken Heart

I wear a smile for this world,
But beneath that I hide a broken heart.
I may behave as if I've forgotten you,
But it is indeed so hard.

Even today if I hear someone talking about you,
My whole attention goes there.
Even today I think about you all the time,
Whether I'm busy or I'm spare.

I feel agitated and hurt when I see you with him,
You simply forgotten our past.
You appear so comfortable and at ease,
After breaking my fragile heart.

You may have stopped thinking about me,
But for me its not easy.
You were the first girl, I trusted completely on,
And it seemed that only for me, you were born!

You were as pretty as the red rose,
I could read you in every romantic prose.
Whenever I rose up to feel the breeze,
I felt as if you were hugging me with ease.

Whenever I stand below the shower,
I remember our first rain.
Whenever I see you infront of my eyes,
I forget all of my pain.

Perhaps I was really smitten by you.
But I couldn't help myself from loving you.
I could hear your heart beat from far,
As it helped me to act strong and concentrate my power-

To fight this cruel world which loathed us,
And never wanted us to be together.
No one could watch you and me,
Walking together happily and carefree.

Still we did not care this world,
And to each other we were always open.
You stayed in my heart with comfort,
But today I'm heart-broken.

I remember once you said,
"I'm glad to have you as my love.
I will walk with you even in cold and heat,
And I'll keep you in my heart till its very last beat."

But you didn't keep your promise for long.
You left me alone to face the storms.
You were the one who filled me with elation,
But today because of you I'm heart-broken.

To intensify my pain you found another one,
Who could complete my space.
That day I was fully ruined,
And thousand tears left my eyes with haste.

Wherever I go today, my eyes look sad,
They remember that fun which we had.
You have certainly found in him your better part,
But what about me and my broken heart?

Untitled

I paced slowly to the school with an upset face,
Helplessly thinking about the hatred which I would embrace.
I had to apply a lot of effort to drag my feet,
Which became stiff so as to prevent my eyes to bleed.

They were quite aware of the pain that I suffered,
Because of which my all confidence was deterred.
I was reluctant to step into my school,
And I prayed to the Lord to claim all of my fuel.

But my wishes are the last ones to come true,
I had to go and stay with those few -
Who made my life miserable, faded and less free,
And during every night their sad reminiscence hovered above me.

Whenever anyone saw me, a pool of hatred could be sensed in the air,
And a spate of mockeries flowing shamelessly would come and stare -
Me, the way I live my life and the failure I've accounted for these years,
And my inability to struggle against them and mutely display my fear!

I have a name, which had been popular some years ago.
My perfection was used as an example and even my humble ego!
'Whatever good I achieved, I deserved', people used to say,
Then why only they are exposing me hard to an intenser day?

Today, more than my actual name I'm popular with my titles,
All those nasty, hurting phrases which are never subtle.
I have lost my identity and my charm is lifted,
Even that little hardihood I possessed is adrifted.

People still talk of me but that talk is full of contempt,
Why are everyone's words brimmed with revenge?
I'm exhausted finding a friend who could hold me,
And would lend his attention to attend my melancholy!

My eyes are welled.
Why such treatment I always felt?
Am I such a burden to bear?
Why I have only tears to share?

I feel suffocated and wounded when I meet these people everyday,
My mind tells me to approach them and say,
"Please don't ruin my life, give me another chance,
I can't afford to live a life in a neglected trance!"

It has been years since I'm facing this hatred which is always on elevation,
I've become rusted because of mockery and immense depression.
I want that people should call me by my actual name,
And for that I'm ready to shun all my popularity or fame!

Till then I call myself 'untitled'.
As it is better than those remarks,
I wish to walk no more frightened,
By the intensity of the dogs' barks.

I Miss You

Your every thought brings tears in my eyes,
Your every gift fills me with a dark joy.
Our every snap fills me with remorse,
Heck, why our friendship was divorced?

I know I've allowed everything to end,
But today my ego has bend.
I cannot simply watch you fade away,
I wish if you could stay.

In a second I decided to end it all,
I allowed our trust and love to fall.
I've realised that love is not how well we understand each other,
But, it is how well we avoid misunderstanding to occur!

My shoulder feels empty as you aren't there,
To cry on it and feel safe.
My eyes are unable to see another face,
And it feels as if someone has shaken my base.

Your laugh filled me with elation,
Your presence fetched me out of dejection.
Your trust on me enlivened my dead thoughts,
And even my cripple hopes could then walk!

Everytime I decide not to think of you forces me to think about you even more!
You are like that wave who incessantly strikes the shore.
Your departure created some emptiness in my life,
And again, I started to feel deprived.

I wonder how important you were to sustain me,
I behave lost as no one is holding my hand today,
Shall I tell you, "Come back to me!"
Or continue to wander and appear stray?

Shall I approach you and blurt out,
"I need you to love, I need you for a kiss,
I need you for a hug; you are my bliss!
Your absence has caused me to deplete,
Because you're the one who makes me complete" ?

I miss you in the rain, I miss you in the cold,
I miss you when I pretend to be bold.
I miss you whenever I have coffee,
Or when someone offers me your favourite toffee...

I miss you.
My heart reverberates your laughter.
My eyes see your face in the water.
My hands feel you in open air,
I wish if your beauty I could stare!

I miss you even though I was the one who told you to leave -
More than you I was subjected to grief.
But at that time, it was indeed so hard to live with you,
It's only today that I've realised, it's harder to live without you!

The tree of my life

It stood erect with no leaf to adore it,
It appeared bad, ugly and sick.
Perhaps it lost against the long autumn,
As it appeared no winsome.

It had no leaf to breathe but semi-open lenticles,
Which helped it to live.
It had no luxuries, no companions,
Who stood by it's side.

That tree was alone in that scorching heat,
With it's feeble heart.
It could not fasten up its tardy beats,
In that sunshine so harsh.

From morning till evening it showed the same expression,
It had no alternative.
It just looked back to think of the reason of its depression,
In the same land where it was a native.

That tree was fully ignored by every creature who passed it,
As it did not even have shade for a passer-by to sit.
Moreover, it was diseased, leafless and unsightly,
Devoid of any mirth flowing briskly.

Every chirping bird perched upon a nearby tree,
And stared at it with contempt.
They wondered how lifeless and dejected one can be,
After watching it sad but standing erect.

Days after days, weeks after weeks,
That tree was unable to restore even a stub of its gleams.
It still looked the same, secluded and worthless,
And it never gave any comfort to those who were helpless.

It was weak and found difficulty in facing rough storms,
It was on the verge of collapse.
Any unfavourable event could uproot it,
And then ultimately on the soil it would relax.

It was so unlucky and inauspicious,
That near it no sapling could be seen.
Even the little grass decided to walk away,
From the place where that tree had been.

The rain also became partial,
It did not spell showers on that tree.
The rain knew that it can never blossom,
Or swirl to express its glee.

On the whole that tree proved to be nothing good.
It was just a burden.
It never lived but only existed,
In this joyous Earth full of fun.

This was the tree representing my life,
As putrid, pale, motionless and sterile.
But the only difference is I'm able to shed a tear,
Which that tree could not to express its dolor.

The Shadow

I find myself in the shade and look up at sun,
I even watch some kids playing and having fun.
I sit under a tree and gaze at the flowers,
I feel the toil which nourished them calmly after hours.

I see the birds twittering and chatting with their mates,
Ignorant of that snake which could decide their fate.
Those kids who laughed and giggled beneath the sun,
Were also unaware if they were aimed by somebody's gun.

Every virtue of nature was so relaxed that day,
Even though the weather was sweltering on that bright May.
I felt comfort and peace in that tree shade,
As I always loved those areas which were fade.

I noticed a child coming with his grandfather,
The child walked fast but the grandfather's pace was slower.
Still he tried to fasten up his steps to match his grandson,
Even though he perspired because of the fierce sun.

They walked past the tree under which I sat,
And I kept gazing at that old man and his brat.
I watched them until they disappeared in the light,
The sun still hot shining with all its might.

Wherever they went, someone followed them.
That someone was lifeless and dark.
Even though that old man and the child were happy,
Still that someone was pale with no spark.

It was their shadows which walked along them,
Without letting them know that they were there.
The shadows were the contours of their beings,
Who watched them even though they could not stare.

I noticed the shadows of the child and that old man separately,
And found even the shadow of the boy walked hurriedly.
As that old man lagged behind and walked slow,
His shadow also maintained that retarded flow.

With age when we change, many things about us also change,
Our once lively shadows also behave strange.
Once when they used to be energetic and fast,
Also lose their euphoria when we eventually retard!

Also the behavior of the shadows is quite bizarre,
Even though they be with us whether we walk near or far.
When the sun shines, then only they show their sight;
And disappear quite mysteriously during the night.

When we need them as a support, as a friend at dark times,
They don't reach us to tell not to whine!
And when we're happy and living in the light,
They become dark and depress our elated sight.

Still, they are faithful enough to us,
They give us company till our life comes to an end.
Then, even they disappear,
Fathoms below where our ashes meet the sand.

Exactly like us, they come to this world,
They walk, they grow and attain age.
And like us, they perish when their time to live is over,
In this world's stage.

Your face was burnt

You were my candle; my spark,
You helped me to feel the light and escape the dark.
You were the flame of my life,
In your warmth and light, I revived.

Your smile coloured the dark patches within me,
You always held me whenever I fell free.
You were my love, the molecule of my being,
With you I never felt alone and my life seemed interesting.

But who likes me? Who likes my choice?
You were rejected in my family.
I retaliated, I intensified my voice,
But no one was ready to accept you happily.

They asked me to forget you,
And blow off that flame which you produced -
In me, my spirit and my dead hopes,
That told me to make friends out of the foes.

Obviously, I didn't lend my ears to hear them.
I ignored their pleas and orders.
I had accepted to face their whims,
Than to part from you, my lover!

Still they wished to delete you from my mind,
So they searched my room to find -
Our all snaps, letters, gifts and flowers,
Which we had exchanged after spending hours.

I stared in amazement at their hard-work,
They discarded everything which you presented me.
But they forgot one of your pictures,
Which I held in my hand confidently.

To my ill-luck, they noticed me hiding it.
They snatched it from me and ordered me to sit.
They lighted that snap which they had hunt,
And in front of my very eyes, your face was burnt!

But girl, you are still alive in all my dreams.
I love you pure and I'd never be able to forget you, it seems.
I don't care even if the entire world is against us,
Because my world is you and you are my lust!

Falling Leaf

I was once green and resided so high,
Breathing in the sky and waving to the birds passing by.
I used to float in the air, attached to my petiole,
All happy and easy felt my lucky soul!

I was fresh then and looked inviting,
Every nightingale perched on the branch I was on.
They used to hum a song so enchanting,
Whenever they passed me during the dawn.

I had so many friends, always there next to me.
We danced together whenever the wind blew free.
I was the special leaf of my Mother Tree,
Who loved my dance the most in the fair breeze.

I was so pampered, I was highly loved,
It was only I whom every relative served.
With time I grew big and prettier,
And the love and attention I got made me happier.

But slowly and gradually I started to lose my charm,
I started turning yellow and pale.
I was so shocked and alarmed -
I tried everything to protect myself but failed.

I lost my colour, I lost my beauty.
I turned brown, patched and ugly.
I was diseased and I became weaker,
I felt someone cursed me to appear putrid and meeker.

I started to lose my friends and birds also ignored me now,
My tree diverted her attention to other leaves that were still fresh.
I saw no one who could help me recover,
Those who saw me simply dashed.

That breeze in which I used to dance earlier, plucked me.
I parted from my base and started to fall down by gravity.
There were tears in my eyes and anguish in my veins,
But no one bothered about me or appeared sane.

I did float in the air as earlier,
But the difference was this time I had no life.
I was no longer joyous or happier,
As I knew I would land on the sharpest knife.

My actual life is so like my imaginary leaf –
It will also ultimately rest in immense grief.
I’m neither on the top nor have I reached the bottom,
But I’m falling, falling towards the dark destination…

Butterfly of Fire

Fifteen years is a very long time to live alone
And life doesn't get any nicer.
It had been years since the sun last shone,
On the dreams of a loser!

What I felt in life was the feeling of pain.
The only experience I had was of suffering.
I could only achieve some abuses highly profane,
When I was a mere sapling!

I only rested in cages which were dark,
Devoid of even a glow-worm's spark.
What tickled down me was black-ink,
Despite I bathed in fresh milk.

My tears were perhaps too transparent to notice,
As people seldom ignored them.
My affliction was trivial I suppose,
As meaningless as a fake gem.

I sat frustrated and pondered over my tenebrous life,
I wondered why people hated to see me in their sight.
I was then disturbed by the noise of the fluttering of wings,
Which came loud from my right.

Slowly a butterfly emerged in front of my eyes,
And hovered happily over me.
I was amazed at it and quite forced to admire -
The beauty of that butterfly of fire!

It flew gaily in all the corners,
And emanated dazzling light.
Its flames had a distinguished fervour,
Which sparkled with all their might.

The butterfly flew round and round,
And then it approached me.
It comforted itself in my lap,
And gave company to someone lonely!

I watched its gleams and adored its charm,
A cute, little creature who could not harm.
It just brought light to the areas which were dull,
And fluttered its wings to cheer up this sad world.

I was overwhelmed at the joy it possessed,
And the mirth with which it hovered.
I wished it lent me some of its virtues,
And instill within me some of its hues.

I requested it to reduce my pain,
And decrease the magnitude of my foes.
So that I could light the wick of my hope again,
Which was blown off sometime ago.

I wish it helps me to find myself again,
I wish it gets me some good luck.
I wish that butterfly of fire makes my life luminous,
And gets me some smiles and makes me joyous.

My Fate

Last night I got up worried from my sleep,
I was sweating and my eyes were ever deep.
I could see tears welling up in my eyes,
As I stood numb in front on the mirror, 2 hours past midnight.

I noticed the lines of tension and fear on my forehead.
I touched my silent heart which seemed dead.
I was lost in the serenity of the night so bold,
But I regained consciousness when my bare feet became cold.

I had actually confronted my fate -
I had seen everything that I would be going through, few years late.
It wasn't a dream; it was truly a nightmare,
As when I woke up, my limbs felt scared.

I saw a man holding a dagger,
Who chased me long as I ran with horror.
He caught me and inserted his weapon through me,
It produced the pain which I could never feel.

I saw myself entangled in the thorns.
I saw deep cuts and scrapes all over my body.
I was bleeding bad,
And there was no one who could help me get back.

There were evil spirits around me,
They plucked my hair from the roots mercilessly.
They also pulled my nails out of me,
And enjoyed the tone of my scream.

My flesh was exposed and it ached.
It was my blood with which they bathed.
I lied naked with my open wounds,
Staring helplessly on the hungry hounds.

They dragged me with contempt and ligated my tongue.
And with the burning ropes I was hung.
I was then beaten harsh to death,
With my bleeding eyes still wet.

They cut my fingers, they daggered me.
It wasn't late that I could see my pieces.
The tears I had shed were all dry now,
As my blood was there to compensate its need.

They hit my head with the strongest blow.
They pinched my flesh and scratched my nose.
The strands of my flesh were locked in their nails,
And also that blood with which those nails were stained.

It was so horrid to see myself holed.
I was killed brutally was what my dream showed.
I know this would be my real fate in the near future,
As I've committed enough sins to face this torture.

So Low

I sit so low and dream so high,
Being a human, I want wings to fly!
I wish to climb high and reach so far,
My aim is the sun and goal is the star.

I know I've planned a lot for me,
But will my destiny give whatever I've thought for free?
Somewhere inside me I feel I'll fall deep,
And I'll sink in those tears eventually produced when I'd weep.

This world has lots of pain to give,
It can make anyone solitary and olive.
But it also has hope that makes life livable,
And 'love' that adorns every individual.

Regret, I'm not among that ‘every’.
I've only felt hatred and tasted slurry.
I've never spoke kisses or heard any laughter,
I've mostly seen blood running all over after the slaughter.

In the absence of hope and love, my dreams have no meaning.
I’m so alone with no one who could interpret my feelings.
Dreams are made up of faith and trust,
And love which provides the final thrust.

No love has separated me from my aspirations,
It has punctured me on every occasion.
My dreams are mine alone,
I’ve no one for an aid; my all remaining hopes are blown!

That’s why I cannot dream high,
I can merely watch other birds fly.
The sun and the stars are my desires which glow,
Wish! I could achieve them, sitting so low.

स्वार्थहीन सांत्वना

हवा चल रही है आसमान में,
आंधी चल रही है मेरे जहां में
मुझे याद ही नहीं कि आखिरी बार कब महसूस की थी खुशी,
आज बस दर्द बचा है और मेरा अकेला दिल जो है दुखी

रोशिनी चाँद से होती है, सितारों से नहीं;
दोस्ती एक से होती है, हजारों से नहीं
सत्य है, परन्तु मैं तो वह एक दोस्त भी नहीं ढूंढ पाया,
मैं कभी भी दोस्ती के आनंद में नहीं समाया

मेरा जीवन अफ़सोस से भरा है,
लाभ कहाँ है? जो भी है, वह है क्षय
सुख का स्पर्श करना हे अब मेरे जीवन का परम लक्ष्य है,
प्रार्थना करता हूँ कि इस सत्कर्म में पाऊं विजय

क्या बढ़ता चलूँ मैं लाख मुसीबत आने पे?
क्या मुझको मिल सकेगी सफलता जीने में, मर जाने में?
क्या मैं कभी भी जीवन कि दुविधाओं से उभर पाउँगा?
हे ईश्वर! मैं इस कठोर सत्य का सामना करना चाहूँगा

मेरा जीवन पुष्प-रहित है,
कंटक के समान स्मृतियाँ मुझमे समाहित हैं
क्या मैं कभी भी अपने केवन को कर पाउँगा समर्थ?
राह दिख तो रही है परन्तु क्या वो सही है या है अनर्थ?

मैं फंसा हुआ हूँ एक सूखी मझदार में,
न जी सकता हूँ, न मर सकता हूँ इस कठोर संसार में
बस भटकने को हे जीवित है मेरी आत्मा,
क्योंकि उसे कोई नहीं मिला जो देता स्वार्थहीन सांत्वना

Together

What happened to us?
Something about us seems vague.
Where is our love gone?
Why our life interferes, not for our sake?

We were made to move by each other forever.
But today our destinies have over-lapped,
Can we ever be together?
Or our love has been severely slapped?

You cannot bear me, I cannot unlove you;
I'm in such a fix regarding what to do!
We fight, we ignore, we smile, we sing,
But now does it have any meaning?

People have broken us,
Or circumstances or any other fuss?
The more I try to love you and believe,
I'm even more hurt and feel deceived.

What is it? Is our love no more real?
Will my distrust on you never heal?
Will we never make it together now?
How could this happen, how?

We argue, we patch-up;
It has become so periodic and messed up.
The trust we had on each other is decayed,
It only produces bad smell and taste.

We can never make it again, I'm sure.
Fine then, let's end it happily,
Why force our relations to be allured,
When we mutually behave so snappily?

Move on girl, I won't trouble you ever,
But the same I expect from you, always remember.
I don't want you to be a hindrance in my affairs,
I want to keep my life private and ensnared.

In this way, we'll manage to smile,
And stop being too critical and docile.
I don’t wish to see you in my life anymore,
Go away, I’m happy walking alone along the shore.

A Voice so pretty

I heard a note, I heard a tune,
After hearing you once, I was over the moon.
You were so unadulterated and so melodious-
That every word you sang came out clear and luminous.

Your voice carried a charm so mesmerizing -
It always took me in the world of music so enticing.
Your presence, your singing was so propitious -
That no one in your vicinity could ever presage anything ominous.

Every lyric that emanated through you,
Rocked me with tranquility and appreciation, so true.
Could anyone be as perfect as you ever?
Could 'best' be beaten by someone 'better'?

Your voice is indeed so pretty and so pure -
It is a panacea for those diseases which cannot be cured.
The music, the melody, the rhythm in you is so untanned -
With every passing day, I'm becoming your ever sincere fan!

I don't belong here

I've been staring at the mirror for too long
I noticed how I appeared to this world
What people could possibly think when they first saw me
And what perception they could develop after our first meet.

My self-deduced result shocked me
Was I too ugly for this world to see?
Couldn't I be more presentable or more clear;
Why my appearance is so loud?

My eyes are deep, I agree
But they aren't filled with substance that pleases
I see mud and salinity overflowing through them
And a fake transparency which atleast I cannot understand.

I look out and watch people,
So engaged in themselves and their friends
I sense an air of friendship and love
And a strong bond of relationship that floats.
Wish I had wings and I could fly amidst this all
And feel the ever unfelt feelings of strong attachment.

Why am I so deprived of everything good?
Can't I get love ever? Will I always stay alone?
Circumstances have erased the word 'expectation' from my lexicon
My hopes and desires are all forcefully shunned.

I could not even get the love of my life
I was broken and still I cannot mend my failure.
With her support I could fight this world,
But when she backed away, I was totally curled.

Her every touch now feels so unspecial
Her every hug suffocates me.
But I'm happy if she does so,
Because then I'll die in the arms of someone I loved.

Why did God bless me with all virtues but did not give my any friends?
Friends are the biggest assets and jewels.
So, I feel, I'm poor and impecunious,
I don't have the basic necessities of survival.

I feel I don't belong here,
I'm so different, so weird to suit the people here.
It’s all my fault if I am stamped 'rejected'.
I wish to die hanging after getting arrested.

The feelings in me are all undefined,
The way I'm living is the most tedious task one can do.
No one can ever impersonate me,
Because no one knows how it feels when you arrange a party without friends,
Go to watch a movie alone,
Walk in the sand with no one to hold you.
No one comes to your Birthday Parties or even calls you to wish a 'happy day',
And you utilize your entire day by staring at the phone helplessly.

This is my life.
The life I'm living since fifteen years.
That's why I prefer to die,
Than to see myself every time in tears.

Pain

I sometimes drive too fast
To feel a pinch of fear.
I sometimes abuse my Best Friend
To observe how to feels to hurt a 'dear'.

At times I cut my hand,
And allow the running water to fall on my wound,
To feel the burning sensation of pain,
That cannot be expressed in words or sound.

I sometimes shut the car-door on my hand,
And watch the blood gushing through me,
I love to trouble myself and check,
How it feels to suffer and bleed.

I sometimes pinch myself so hard,
That my nails pierce the skin.
Breathing stops and eyes close,
To let tolerate the pain, so true and rose.

I even throw a stone on my bare feet,
And rejoice the spasm produced.
This sends a wave of distress through the body,
And changed the relaxed facial expressions to numbness, too gaudy.

Once I tried to hang myself from the fan
To experience the suffocation so intense.
Once I dipped my face in water for minutes,
To get choked to death.

This is no abnormality, trust me.
It happens when the world shuts you in a dark room where you cannot see,
When every mortal has rejected you firm,
And in utter agony and misery you're churned.

She Dances Alone

She loved a guy so true and deep,
Whose charm stole away all her sleep.
She wanted him so desperately,
That today his absence forces her to weep.

She did not get the love of her life,
Thinking about him she everyday dies.
She calls him, she shouts his name,
No one responds, her all efforts in vain.

She has hope that he will come back to her,
Someday the three magical words, he will whisper.
So she waits for him, all day and night,
The hope in her is all bright.

But day after day, week after week,
She has started turning pale and meek.
She runs in despair to find her love,
In every corner she feels he can be.

She remembers he loved her dance,
So every evening she turns on a melancholy song-
She dances with all passion and trance
To attract that boy whom she belonged.

She dances with madness and infinite rapture,
She knows her boy will come someday and capture-
The empty place by her side of a dance-partner,
And finally her soul will go a-flutter.

She also dances in misery and moves in dejection,
But she is sure that her guy will fetch her out of depression.
She knows she is not desolate, she has her love,
But when will he come and take her home?

Even after waiting for three long years, nobody came-
Her hope and patience started staring her in shame.
But to optimism and faith she has become so prone,
As every evening, you can still find her dancing alone…

Graveyard of Hopes

I sit low and ponder over my sterile life,
Ruffled deeply with my unstructured smile.
I have nothing unstinting within my reach,
I appear so pallid after my concluding screech.

I plead for recognition, I beg for company-
I wish God created someone who could be pleased with my harmony.
O' hear me! I lay so low here-
Can anyone come and lift me without a sneer?

I'm lost in the misfortunes of my life,
I feel I'm in the dark even in bright daylight.
I'm so broken, desolate and so shattered-
After losing everything of my life that mattered -

Me, my existence and my future.
Today I'm holding nothing more than failure.
My life that was once gaudily painted,
Has today lost all its charm, fervour and has become tainted.

Why? Why have I become so lugubrious?
Why my eyes have deepened to become somniferous?
Why do I feel everyone around is whimsical?
Why have I shed my flamboyance and become enigmatical?

I have not choked my life; my life has choked me,
But by shedding all its leaves, can a tree be happy and free?
New life will sprout up again and it would move on,
Why my case is different? Why within me, hopes couldn’t be again born?

The leaves falling on the damp soil also catalyse new growth,
But my leaf is all diseased and bellicose.
No strand of hope is left within me,
I've truly become unsightly and grisly.

Today I lie unaffected with any remarks congratulating me,
Everything abject I've faced has eventually erased all my glee.
I still move, smile, dream and talk with people I know,
But my body has become the graveyard of my innocent hopes.

Survive

I found you, was the most holy thing I could do.
I understood you, was the finest thing I could then do.
I felt you, was the cutest sensation I had,
I loved you, simply made me great and mad.

You were always in my sight,
Still I never approached you to feel some delight.
I thought you wouldn't care for me and be unwise,
You would also mock me and happily notice the million tears falling from my eyes.

I thought you were harsh and patronizing,
Though you appeared smart, peaceful and enticing.
Something within me stopped me to reach you,
It forced me to keep my mouth sewed.

But one fine day my conscience lost against you,
You are in Angel - it felt and its misconception blew.
We talked a little and then a bit more,
And within minutes, ‘I would be true to you forever’, I swore.

You turned out to be the most pretty belonging I had,
Your smile, your company was so pleasant and red.
I didn’t know you much then,
But I made firm my idea to make you my most special friend.

You were an aid to my every wound that ached,
Your ten words cheered the every sad fish in my heart’s lake.
Your one touch healed every sorrow I had,
It lit up a candle of affection in every corner within me that was sad.

You were the sweetest Angel’s face,
You were the one whom God created with all his grace.
You came so pure and true in my life,
You gave me the real hope to reform and survive.

I could see something in you that coerced me to reveal all my secrets,
The faith in your eyes made me relaxed and confident,
You have no idea how perfect and soothing you are,
A 15-minute chat with you made me all jubilant.

The best part is, my friendship is not one-sided or hollow,
You also tell me all your secrets, deep or shallow.
When I asked you, “Are we friends?” and you said “Yes!” in a tone so sweet and gay,
Believe me, such an obvious thing completely made my day.

I can never find a friend I saw in you,
I just want your eyes to be as transparent as at that time when you saw me true,
I can leave this world to take your side,
Everything personal of my life, in you I confide.

Please be my friend forever,
I promise you- My faith in you will never sever.
You are the thread connecting all the scattered beads of my life,
If you left me ever, trust me, I will not survive.

Yes! I will not survive…

Expectations

Should I fight? Should I show my temper?
Should I retaliate? Should I spit my anger?
Have I got anything to lose? I'm so bemused,
Should I kick away all the obligations against me?
Or should I hear everything sitting confused?

This world is incapable of giving any mirth.
Any joyous feelings here are so in dearth.
If you go ahead to do something sane,
You simply receive abuses so profane.

People have forgot how to love and care,
The adulation they possess is so unshared.
They may talk good in front you,
But when you turn around,
All their goodness in so quickly diffused.

Expecting something from someone has become a crime.
Harsh and loud noise has taken the place of a wind-chime.
There is nothing 'gentle' left around,
Only in numerous conspiracies, people are bound.

Has purity totally disappeared?
Is there no humanity left? Does anyone fears?
Are all the guys around masked?
Can anyone trust another fellow in dark?

Will someone support you against others?
Will someone love you even when you’ve shed all your feathers?
Is there someone whose hand you can hold?
Who is so helping and does not pretends to be bold?

Are people really so selfish?
Is our Earth becoming too hellish?
What happened to our faith and moral values?
Have we thrown them as well with our torn shoes?

Has wishing a bad-luck taken the place of prayers?
Has admiring someone transformed into awful stares?
Is there anyone left to rely upon?
Why there is dusk after every dawn?

In this world, no one is yours.
The one whom you love and trust is also among your foes.
If you do good to someone and expect the same in return,
You are actually hoping to see a flower blossom from a dead fern.

Lost Love

I could see love in your eyes
I could hear acceptance in your sighs
I could feel warmth in your touch
I could sense purity in your blush.

You came so lucky in my life,
Your presence always lingered around my sight.
Whenever I opened my eyes, I saw you
You were in every colour- red, green or blue.

When I extended out my arms, you hugged me.
When I lowered my cheek, you kissed me.
When I raised my hand, you held me.
May whatever come, you always loved me.

But today my love is lost,
I'm shivering alone in the frost.
You are not present by my side,
All our affection and intimacy has dried.

Where are you? Aren't you missing me?
I guess you’ve found another one, I can clearly see.
Was my love too hollow, too unreal?
I’m sure you think it was, is what I feel.

You left me alone to drown in this water,
Even though you knew I couldn't swim.
And when I needed you the most as a company,
You went away doubling my already quadrupled grim.

Still girl, I’m waiting for you to come,
I’m confident that my expectation wouldn’t be rendered undone.
I firmly believe my love isn’t totally lost,
I’m still shivering and waiting for you in this frost.

I gave you my pain

I was bad, I was so insane,
Knowingly without regret, I gave you all my pain.

You were the First Angel the good Lord ever sent me,
To help me smile and build a beautiful future which I could later see.
You helped me in every initiative I took,
And I never felt that your faith in me shook.

You encouraged me; you taught me how to love,
You fitted all of my feelings in a heart-shaped glove.
Overwhelmed, I disclosed all my troubles to you,
You didn't murmur and told me that they were really few.

I was bad, I was so insane,
Knowingly without regret, I gave you all my pain.

Seeing 'hope' in your eyes, I became confident.
I finally felt that all my problems would come to an end.
I jumped, I sang, I danced,
Your presence was like the most effective magical wand.

You tried so hard to keep your word,
You tried everything possible, good or nerd.
I started to enjoy life and smile,
After giving you all my tensions, I lived the expression of River Nile.

I was bad, I was so insane,
Knowingly without regret, I gave you all my pain.

When things started to work, my elation had no bound,
The affliction had all vanished from my open wound.
I felt so great for the first time in my life,
I thought now I would never suffer or retaliate or strife.

But once I noticed your secretive smile,
That was saturated with something that was only meant to beguile.
You never clearly showed any discontentment for me
Was it true? Or you just pretended to fake an emotion for me to see?

You were so great, true and winsome,
You never made me feel as if I were a burden,
I’m so sorry if I over-expected from you –
You gave me everything you could except your mirth’s hue.

I have no courage to receive any more favour from you
You did everything you could and now I don’t need anything ‘new’.
You’re my friend, that’s my most valuable possession,
You gave me the true selfless friendship’s sensation.

Nothing more I claim from you –
With these words, I bid an adieu,
“I was bad, I was so insane,
Knowingly without regret, I gave you all my pain.”