Killed by the Nature

All this time I never thought about the dark sky with a bright moon,

Holding hands with the deep sea, which tried to engulf it soon.

I never saw the moss, green and azure, blanketing the rocks of the shore,

And smelled the enigma of the invisible air; it was so pure.

I never ventured beyond the reaches of this mystified nature,

I was always focused on the one, my beautiful 'creature'.

But when I found that few dreams can never be materialized,

I stepped quietly into this serene nature, hopeful and disguised.

I remember that night, when the lightening appalled my eyes,

Cold, metallic and shiny it appeared; it looked so nice.

I was drifted towards the insane purity of its appearance,

But its brightness was so perfect that I couldn't extend my bearance.

One second it hovered there and the next second it was gone,

It sparkled the great grey clouds when simultaneously they were torn.

I could feel the magic of might tingling the hair behind my neck,

It was something so pellucid, something which was worth to fetch.

I started to walk in the direction where the gentle breeze pushed me,

I reached a river and I watched it slapping the rocks harshly.

I never felt so amazed to listen to the sound of such consistent violence,

The sound the river produced mended my bleeding ears with exuberance.

The moonlight directed a bundle of beautiful silver light right into my swollen eyes,

This light brightened all the dark patches within me and I started to feel nice.

My dying body started to restore its fervour as the energy it inflicted was grand,

I started to assemble once again from scattered particle into a mountain of sand.

But soon darkness started to spread in front of my new vision,

The moonlight became distorted and the blackness gulped it without hesitation.

The wonderful breeze which had been blowing started to become rough,

The solemn eclipse was followed by this gale which was unbelievably tough.

And then the river changed its course, it started to gain huge heights,

The strength it displayed was enough to haunt a person till death in his frights.

No longer it was slapping the rigid rocks; it devoured them greedily in one go,

The energy it emitted eventually was icy; it felt as if I was standing naked in the snow.

Everything changed its rigour and route almost immediately then,

The thunder which has allured me once caused the worst mayhem.

The river overflowed, the rough gale blew and the thunder splitted my ears apart,

I had healed so perfectly a moment ago and now I had to again collect myself from the start.

The eerie darkness started to suck me in, into the depths of utter discomfort,

And the pressure with which it tried to pursue its intentions, evidently hurt.

I could not feel my limbs tearing apart as the circumstance made me so numb,

The pain it caused asked me to shriek wildly but then I had turned completely dumb.

I churned in the charisma of nature which I thought was always velvet,

The silver light which was so soothing to my open wounds became violet.

I started to lose control over my even breathing while I writhed in the dark,

And the lightening illustrated my grievance with an occasional blinding spark.

I've really felt all this with a much greater intensity at some point of time in my past,

I remember clearly that my once jubilant life had started to lose its flavour very fast.

The situations I was subjected to then gave birth to a troglodytic poet within me,

Who wrote about pain, separation and deceival because it was the only source of his glee.

Meandering Thoughts

I extinguished with the dying fire,

With such a weak, frightened heart I couldn't walk higher.

I always considered my fire incapable of becoming cold

I never imagined that one day, in this way, I'll lose my hold.

I could see my reflection in the serene water

The orange flames were dying unable to get any hotter.

I wasn't moulded into a person worth dying for

And the emptiness I inhaled possibly had no cure.

All this happened when I finally reached the place I had always wished to be.

I could hear laughter, taste love and the blissful glee.

The air I sucked in perfumed my rotten, decaying soul

And almost immediately, all my hopes started to rebuild on their own.

My cheeks which were permanently moist by the tears I cried,

Started to lose the stain as the tears slowly dried.

I felt myself glisten in this world I always hated

After I intimately hugged that joy for which I had always waited.

I could see my blood pushing itself back into the open wounds.

And eventually the love I witnessed started to obliterate all my glooms.

That huge hole which had been punched right through my chest

Started to heal fastly as now I wasn't love-bereft!

So much love and affection spread unconsciousness in me,

I had completely forgotten that even I could live in mirth and glee.

Every confused scream that escaped my lips tormented my frightened soul

I didn't know if I wanted to live a happy life and drink happiness through an osmium-bowl.

I confronted the dream I always saw whenever I slept with a swollen face,

And today, it stood right next to me, with a bright halo of acceptance and grace.

But I was bemused if I was really ready to live in this stupendous aura of love and faith

The puzzled emptiness which was a part of me now, rose with resentment like a wraith.

My blistered tongue did not lick this new joyous kind of flame,

But my heart wanted it to burn me fully and never allege against it any blame.

Mixed emotions sprouted up from me for this new kind of reception,

One said to adopt it forever and one said to discard it as it's better to live in rejection.

I am so confused to choose the best option that favours me in the long run,

Because I've learnt to live in utter isolation and in the absence of a bright sun.

Fifteen years have replaced all traces of mirth within me into an asphyxiating pain,

I'm unsure if now will I be able to withstand the cool, affectionate, sweet-sounding rain...

Let Me Go

I always saw an irrevocable love for me in her eyes,

Which was unconditional and pellucid, not based on lies.

She just gave her heart to me with acceptance when we first talked,

Despite she knew that I was the one whom the world happily mocked.

I was simple, never gaudy; I hardly appeared distinguished in a crowd,

But still she observed me and said that my perfection was very loud.

I always saw a possessive person in her who never wanted to lose me,

And would hold me forever even though I wished to flee.

She imposed her friendship on me so that we could come close,

And on one day, she publicly gave me a beautiful red rose.

I twitched when I realized that she is expressing her love for me,

I wasn't ready for a commitment- I wished to stay free...

I asked her that we can be friends forever but not the ones in love,

So, she stopped talking about it but I knew it was merely a bluff.

I could always feel the warmth of the flames of love which dazzled in her heart,

And somewhere I knew, it wasn't all over; she had just made a fresh start.

Slowly and slowly, she started to try to win some conscious part of me,

And very smartly she watered all the bushes surrounding my feeble tree.

She tried to protect me form any kind of insanity, grief and fear,

With a firm hope that one day she will become my 'dear' .

Her gestures were inhumanly kind and she always made me giggle and laugh,

And many-a-times, in some serious joking, she used to confess that I was her half.

Without me, she could not sustain long and I was her life-giving drug,

Even if I vanished from her eyes just for a minute, she would become smug.

She fought with all those people whom I considered my closest friends,

Sometimes she fought using her tongue and sometimes even hands.

All this started distancing me apart from her again for my own good,

I felt insecure because in every rain she spread up like an umbrella where I stood.

She messed up her relations with all of her friends due to this infatuation,

She wouldn't care if the world burned if she succeeded to win my affection.

All this overwhelming spate of love started placing a lot of baggage over my head,

I started to feel irritated and annoyed whenever my smile turned her cheeks red.

The thing that incensed me the most was that she interfered in my personal life,

She started telling me with whom I should stay or talk, as if she was my wife.

I brimmed up with infuriation whenever she tried to advise me with a caressing tone,

Rather than to have somebody love you like this, it's better to be completely alone.

She never allowed anybody to come near me if she was around,

Whenever she saw someone approaching, she pushed me deeper into the ground.

And spread herself like a grass on the patch under which I was buried,

Until the one whom she considered as a danger in other direction hurried.

I tried all possible ways to tell her that I don't love her the way she does,

But she never lent her ears to my talks which she thought were total rust.

I once tried to be blunt about how I felt for her as I couldn't keep her in mist,

The next day she shocked me by displaying her slitted-open wrist!

I don't know how shall I convince her that we just cannot be more than friends,

I cannot live with such a person who, to receive love, can adopt such disgusting trends.

Whenever I touch her by mistake I feel so sick to watch her pale face glow,

Will that time ever come, when she cuts the ropes she tied me in, and let me go?

To my Mother

You are my fairy tale princess,

So much larger than life.

You are my angel and my witness

Through all my pain and strife.

You're patient when I'm foolish;

You give guidance when I ask;

It seems you can do most anything;

You're the master of every task.

You're a dependable source of comfort;

You're my cushion when I fall.

You help in times of trouble;

You support me whenever I call.

How could I ever, thank you enough?

Through your examples, I learned to be tough.

You taught me how to, stand up for myself,

Always place books, back onto the shelf.

How did you find the energy, Mom

To do all the things you did,

To be teacher, nurse and counselor

To me, when I was a kid.

Even if the distance pushes us apart,

My love for you will have no end.

I'll always hold the memories in my heart.

You're my mother, my best friend.

I love you more than you know;

You have my total respect.

If I had my choice of mothers,

You'd be the one I'd select!

Black Souls

All I can see today with my sullen bleeding eyes,

Is a harsh world completely brimmed with dirty lies.

Behind every brightly pained door

Lives a dishonest man who has stopped loving anyone anymore.

With a little hope, I walked the path leading to the Benevolent Street,

With tears in eyes, pain in heart and hands stretched out in greed

Of plucking out some fruits of joy from that fully laden tree

And devour some hastily so that I was again able to relish the taste of glee.

First of all I met a little girl, as lively as she could be,

Singing and dancing as she walked, her beautiful hair hung loosely.

I was attracted towards her and wished that she teaches me how to smile

Urgently, I obstructed her way and pleaded that face, so genuine, it couldn't beguile.

She held my hand and took me to where other dozens of happy people were walking,

And during this time she hardly did any talking.

Then she spoke, and shouted, until all the eyes were glued at me,

She mocked my despair and loneliness until everybody was laughing merrily.

Insulted, I ran away from her and hit a boy who had a serene subtle face,

He helped me to balance myself and introduced himself with grace.

When I asked him to be my friend for ever as I always had been lonely,

His expressions soured, and he simply walked away scornfully.

I met many others who turned out to be even worse,

While drifting away they gave me a punch of curse.

Some even punctured my heart with what they did,

And my blood started oozing out from where it always hid.

When I wondered if my request was so offensive and impossible to fulfil,

Someone came up to me with an understanding face where I was sitting still.

She put her hand on my shoulder and shed two tears with me,

It was then I discovered that it was only her with whom I wanted to be.

I was totally lost in the aroma of her presence,

And slowly I started to feel happiness in the veins of my existence.

The dead skin of my lips chipped when she made me smile with her,

And I realized that I have found the one who will be with me forever.

Once, she asked me to accompany her to a distant place,

Where she introduced me to one handsome face.

She declared before him that she didn't love me at all,

And pushed me down into the ocean of hopelessness through a depressing fall.

Today, my skin has developed many deep holes

Which were inflicted by all those sadistic, black souls.

The deepest hole, aching the most is the one which penetrated my heart

Inflicted by the one whom I loved the most when we separated apart.

Downpour of Light

When I peep into my past I see that I was never in love with someone,

I used to walk alone in my life, I was solitary, the incomplete one.

I never washed my face with the genteel water of loveliest affection,

Instead, my spirits were splashed by the muck of excruciating rejection.

I have always seen the sun shining from behind the thick grey clouds,

I never had anyone who could sit with me and clear all my doubts.

My soul felt ashamed whenever I stood in front of a shiny mirror,

I had been to the bank many-a-times, but I could never cross the river.

Excessive thirst used to pull my tears towards my numb mouth

Parched my throat was, after I had yelled so loud -

For company, friends, and love which never wished to enter my cursed life,

And I know how much it pained when everyday in this bitter world I died.

So worthless I felt, I couldn't see anyone who cared for me,

The dunes of my spirits never flickered even on facing a caressing breeze.

My broken moaning was the only sound my ears listened for years,

And all this time I drowned sluggishly into the quick-sand of my worst fears.

I always dreamt about conquering this world I nearly died in everyday,

But my weakness pulled me behind from letting myself participate in the fray.

I was weak at the knees and my joints chuckled whenever I wished to move on,

I was a lifeless being, just breathing the contaminated air, from dawn to dawn.

The translucent sky never showed me how azure it was,

I wanted to be happy, but I could never collect any reasonable cause.

I was fully broken, shattered into uncountable pieces of glass,

And if I tried to put them together, it was I who had to bleed at last.

The pain was so much that I couldn't feel any other emotion which existed,

It held me paralysed while I burned all my memories of defeat, completely unmisted.

It surpassed every emotion that I had ever felt all during these years,

The pain was so pronounced that even my death could make me happier.

I couldn't live another second in this pain but my body wouldn't move,

My soul was sculptured beautifully on the sadistic, burning groove.

I could not sense my veins, they were sealed by the agony I endured,

And my blood was drained out by everybody referring this action to be the only cure.

I was completely strangulated by the rusted chains of dismay and fear,

I couldn't move a limb and to my decaying body, nobody would near.

I always pleaded to the gigantic sky to rescue me from all this pain,

To rain some light on me too, and for once make me alive and arcane.

I never understood why I repulsed the spectrum of hope away from me?

Why my soul was tarnished despite I never spat on anybody's glee?

When will I be able to fight myself out of the morbid extent of this night,

And able to relish the tingle of my skin in a jaunty downpour of light?

An Acceptance

Since the day I first saw you, I never felt the way I feel today,

Your every appearance before my eyes re-sparkles my dull day.

Just a dainty sound of your chuckle forces my dead heart to bloom,

And whenever you speak to me, I forget all of my troubling gloom.

I merely get a few minutes to talk to you everyday,

But those minutes are enough for me to survive the entire day.

How perfect you seem to me, your every word - every action,

And whenever I utter something stupid, I love watching your reaction.

I even forget blinking my eyes when you expose that smile of yours at me,

A torrent of satisfaction pulls me in whenever I find you in glee.

So lucky I feel everytime I get to see you,

I accept that you're the one who refreshed my life and made it all new.

Why do I lose control of myself whenever you come before me?

Why do I always construct you into everybody I see?

I don't know what to call these feelings which I mentioned above -

Is it an honest friendship or a selfless love?

I cannot express in words about the ocean of love living in me,

Its waves rise so high whenever in front of my eyes you be.

I almost drown in this euphoria everytime you touch my hand,

And my hasty breaths carve your name on the golden sand.

You revivified every broken string of my eroded guitar,

So, now don't inflict upon my heart any painful scar.

I know I'll sink into the darkness again where I always hided,

If in the end this love proves to be one-sided.

I promise I'll chain myself with misery if you go away,

And shun my random breaths in all this fray.

I accept that in my light less life, you're the shiniest star,

Please don't ever leave me alone and go far...