I hate to show that I love you

I was satisfied that very day when I accomplished to convince this world that I hated you,
Which always said, rather shouted that with you I can never misbehave or be untrue.
I forced the people around and some of my special friends to believe that I really didn't love you,
Who finally realized that I was not pretending as all the time your references made me blue.

I always tried that people should know that in my weak life, you meant nothing,
Despite the core of my heart always said that you were my inspiration, my everything.
I never allowed my feelings to flow again in that river, which dried because of my hatred,
My hard feelings for you always made my heart uneasy and everyday it remorsefully bled.

At times, I even spoke millions of abuses that insulted your angelic character,
To make the guys around feel that really, for you I can never be a benefactor.
It was no trouble for me to say all that as I had always been a remarkable actor,
And after all that, I could be spotted affectionately kissing your love-letter.

I did cry a lot when you left my hand at the time when I thought you were all mine,
I never expected the 'unexpected' to occur and I was alone to taste my tears.
Your departure killed me and my dead body lay bleeding in a rusted shrine,
And it wasn't long that I stopped responding to people as I had lived my worst fears.

I may be seen unaffected by the waves of love that originate from him and strike you,
I may give expressions that prove that I'm used to all that and there was nothing new.
I may smile still when I talk with you or any other of your friends any day,
But I know that my throat is choked and my eyes are welled with the internal distress of dismay.

I'm no longer a happy person, who had the ability to conquer the harsh days of his life,
I no longer have that confidence which pushed me ahead to emerge as a potent in every strife.
I collapsed when my love was uprooted before when it could actually take its firm roots,
And amidst nowhere the man of your life came singing his unappealing and crass hoots.

In order to protect my respect and from being called as a crazy lover who has no love,
I started restraining myself from you and from all those things in which you were.
Even if someone spoke your name I would get wild and agitated, totally beyond control,
Despite I knew that I loved you so deep and you still gave aroma to my foul smelling soul.

I was afraid to love you infront of everyone as all of them knew that you loved someone else,
And I may appear so stupid and helpless in that situation when I would ring my love bells!
To protect myself from more mockeries and sarcasm extending its sway towards me,
I was forced to behave that your name was cursed and when pronounced it sucked all of my glee.

The saddest part for me was that you never tried to find out if I had loved you or not,
Because I knew that many people had told you that my love for you was without any blots.
My love was completely altruistic which wanted that you should become popular and beloved,
But I was told that this aimless world misconstrued my visible love as if it mysteriously hid.

That's why I look callous whenever your name catches the limelight in front of my uneasy eyes,
And unknowingly, I'm asked by my timid mind to hate you by taking help of some obscene lies.
But my heart is ever true and it still beats in the hope of seeing that day when the black sky gets blue,
And when you come running back to me and I no longer hate to show that how much I love you...