Apology

I blend all the words of regret into one,
And say it all to you before my eyes run-
Some unworthy, meaningless matter of grief,
Like opaque droplets of dew on a pestilence-stricken leaf.
I never react in the way the situations ask me,
Instead, I mess it all as much as I can see.
There is hardly any method I can adopt to get rid of my behavior,
Why cannot any mortal walk into my life and be my Savior?
Why don’t I mean it when I say, "I didn't mean it!"
Why I lack firmness in my voice and a determination quite grit?
Why I ruin everything when the infrastructure hardens into a palace,
Why I resist whenever my friends try to bring bliss in my life,
Which is something the most I miss?
I know I'm upto no use, I cannot do anything sane,
Still, I want that I should never utter any phrases profane.
It hurts others and later it wounds me the most,
When I realize how much I could worsen the conditions.
It mocks my friends who hold my hand and confidentally boast-
That I'm the one who will help his friends in all situations.
Everytime I break the trust which is put upon me with confidence,
It is regularly that I spit my all frustration in the form of defiance.
I don't blame my friends if they come and slap my ego,
Because I know it's I who has caused the wind to push the first domino.

I just want to say that I'm sorry, yet again.
Forgive me for all those things which fetched you pain.
I am like this, mad & weird, I am upto no good,
I am not worth your tears; I'm not worth your anger.
It's sad for me that my every initiative comes to an end.
Please, you move ahead leaving me here,
Because when I see you trust, your love, your selflessness,
Everyday I realize, I'm not worth being anyone's friend…