How I bled...

As the smoke slowly arose,

I could see my fading life's rose.

It started to lose it's lovely red,

And painfully, it was how I bled.

My blood meandered faithlessly,

When more eyes aimed me. Sheepishly,

I tried to forget and ignore

Still, I started turning ever sore.

I thought I'd walked past my morose history,

And this time indeed, it was only my victory.

But, they say, the history repeats itself,

So it did, more painfully than I'd before felt.

A more intense blow of hatred punched this time,

Even though I was surrounded by the real sublimes.

Everything that I always wished to avoid,

Came rushing to saturate me as if I were totally void.

Another billion insults came to reside within me, through this air,

And confirmed me that even this time for me, the game of life would not be fair -

As in a new place with new people, a new spate of obscenity will pull me in,

And throw me out in the open drenched in the thick blood of their doomed sins.

Everytime I wonder why can everyone read my weakness through my damp face?

Why only some ugly sets of words approach me to lovingly embrace?

Today, my very ambience has become so pitiably uninviting.

I shiver whenever a new face sees the real me through my plastic hiding.

It pains when I blink my eyes,

Swollen and fatigued they are, after spending all their hope of finding someone nice.

Everyday, a new beginning and the same old end has made my ties with luck loose,

It hurts as much as when blood gushes strongly through the veins beneath a bruise.

What echoes in my ears everytime is that sound of rough chuckles

I feel if I'm woven by a sharp dozen of closed sickles!

Each day I know I'm losing myself into this maze of cursed tests,

I'm never helped by anyone in my excruciating quests.

What I know is that I'll remember all this even after I die.

I'll remember that each cause that required me to cry.

I'll ask for clarification from Him, the Lord,

Why out of everyone I know, He made me so disgustingly odd?

I've decided firmly to sleep forever,

It's pros and cons are indeed in my favour.

I feel breathless after pondering over every word that they had bluntly said

And by the smile lighting up their faces when they saw how painfully I bled.