Nobody Understands Me

I crashed on the walls of fear and loneliness everytime I realized that I was upto no good,

And there was no one who could be seen in the mist of hope asking me not to brood -

More pain, more tears and more neglection in the environ of divine love flowing with haste,

There was indeed no one who correctly valued me and assured that I was not a waste.

I was only laughed at when I said that the speckle in the moon was very clear,

My explanation was never heeded, never discussed and to listen to it nobody gave an ear.

My tears had so many meanings, but the one that was interpreted by many was,

I am sad or I'm pretending to have suffered some defeat or an inevitable dearly loss!

I feel that I had been sleeping for many thousand years as no one recognizes me today,

Once I had been popular as whenever I came in front of the people, most of them had something to say.

Time changed, I changed but mostly it were the people around me who drastically changed,

And they always utilised every opportunity to mock me and get me sad and deranged.

I needed someone on whom I could spit my feelings of dejection and some of my fears,

But no one responded to my pleads and I was alone to speak my agony for myself to hear!

There was no 'once in a blue-moon' that attracted any mortal towards me with a peace of understanding,

There was no one who ever tried to console me whenever I cried saying, 'When will some joys my life bring?'

I felt that among the roaring crowd it was only she whose faith in me could never sever,

But she also bid me a 'bye' bluntly despite she knew that good-byes really are forever.

I was awestruck and I continued to stare at her response with my tired eyes on and on,

What stopped me and asked me to pause was when I realised that she was indeed gone.

No one ever tried to peep into me to find out what I felt when I opened my eyes and looked around,

And whenever I was rejected by everybody harshly and mockingly called as a stinking hound.

I was only given advices to change myself in order to survive this harsh world which banished me,

I lacked someone who could feel my pain and understand why it is required to drink a little glee.

At every point of running time I was asked to transform, I was considered at the fault,

My hesitation was asked to be suppressed and only my anger was ordered to come to a halt.

I lacked people who would come and place their hands on my weeping heart crying for help,

I lacked some firm shoulders who could allow my head to rest on them until I restored my real self.

Whenever I tried to argue against anything that harmed my respect in any plausible way,

I was convinced not to indulge myself in any retaliation by expressing what the truth asked me to say.

Sigh! Neither I found a mortal who could bring light in the dark, lonely rooms of the Palace where I lived,

Nor the immortal sun showed any interest to get gleams in my life as always behind the dark clouds it hid!

On every occasion the shout of the circumstances revealed that I'm not amongst all, I'm very different.

And always I was pushed forcefully into a barren garden to lick the dry grass which once was succulent.

Even the park of my life was the same - dry, colorless having dozens of faded flowers and trees,

But the flower of my spirit still had some colours but sadly, it could be uprooted anytime by even a tender breeze.

I had become so weak after living a life of loneliness, grief, tears, remorse and hopelessness,

In the absence of any companions who could try occasionally to fetch me any phenomenal feel of happiness.

I cannot see the future but if it has any good reserved for me, I just wish it is that only one thing I need,

Someone should walk into my life who can understand me and value the each drop of blood that I bleed.

Running Towards the Doom

I am running on the road with no end,
Hoping to kiss that love which I found in a dear friend.
I've passed the houses of the distinguished,
With the flare in my hope unextinguished.

I thought to be myself this time,
When I look straight into your eyes.
I felt now I have pretended enough,
Even my gentle feelings had become rough.

I could have entered into your world quite early,
But I paused by a milestone fearfully.
What it said made me confused,
And I stopped my journey as the message was rude.

It said if I dared to cross it out of affection,
I may end up in the most severe dejection.
I could definitely find my love on the other side,
But it wasn't sure that even she would love me and not be snide.

If I failed to get her, I would not get anyone else,
There would be no gong present to strike my hope-bells.
I may enter into the world of true depression,
Which may stab all my little and innocent aspirations.

I stammered a little and pondered over my decision,
But out of true love I crossed the milestone without a hesitation.
I was so confident that God has not created sadness for me,
He has only created comfort and love in my life and that too not wee.

I started to move ahead humming a sweet tune,
I never realized that this entire scene could look so much lune -
A mad lover walking on the road leading to death,
And thinking that on the other side stood his love waiting holding her breath!

I was unruffled by any kind of pessimistic thoughts,
I was sure that she will come to me overlooking my hundred blots.
I knew that even she loved me and will always do,
Her feelings will definitely not change even if she met anyone new.

It took me a considerable time to find her amidst that mist,
The rose I had carried for her had died and its petals I held in my fist.
I filled with joy when she raised her eyes and looked into mine,
Oh! What a feeling it was! I had never felt so fine!

Then came a guy from behind and stood next to her,
And I saw her beating start startle and slowly fill with spur.
He rested his hand on her shoulder and looked straight into my muddled eyes,
But it was not very late when I realized that I've come out from the world of lies.

The reality released the thunder from the sky and it directly fell on me,
My little eyes cried and my heart bleeded when I fell on my knees.
There were no set of words that could come out of my gaping mouth,
And question her, 'What is this all about?'

I understood that her 'new' man had walked the road, from which I came much early,
And so today he had got a place in her little heart and that too of someone dearly.
I was late. I was late to express my love and except that I lived only for her,
I was too nerd to express with firm mind those three so-called magical words of love.

I could see pity dwelling in her eyes when she saw my condition,
But also she was glad of not having me as her life-long companion.
She had chosen the love of her life in haste and maybe she did right,
As I never accepted that I loved her and never allowed my love to appear bright.

I retraced my steps when the happy couple gazed me with awe,
The rose petals in my hand fell before her, cursing themselves for being flaw.
A tear of mine drenched those petals and buried them in their grave,
And with some words of disgust I ran away from her as I wasn't that brave.

I ran with my full might to protect my bleeding heart from dying down,
And restore my image as today in front of them I exactly looked like a clown.
A trail of fallen tears followed me as they were incapable of making any flower bloom,
And gave me a company when I started to run towards my final doom.

It was she who was the spirit in my body, and who gave me strength,
It was only she who, under every circumstance, was my real friend.
Now when she was no more, I felt like I've lost my life and enthusiasm,
I was definitely not ready to confront that pinching realm.

I wiped my tears as I ran away thinking that now the situations didn't favour me,
Now that dark time which was destined for me had come where I will have no glee.
While I ran, all the time, her face, his face, and my grief above me hovered,
And I accepted that I'm not worth living as for me, the game was over!

Unlucky

Whatever I do, I never get appreciated but cursed,

Even if I try to be transparent, people around find me blurred.

I never complained whenever I was targeted as the victim of contemptuous stares,

But today I'm uneasy; I feel suffocated in this open fresh air!

When I look back upon my past with an eager eye,

I find that my entire existence was based on an appalling lie.

The one whom I considered as the best among all my numbered friends,

Was the real betrayer and the culprit who murdered my honest strength.

Slowly I had become the centre of mockery and the pinching eyesore,

I got so much hatred that now I'm having no space within myself to accommodate more!

My little joys and true dreams were crashed and trampled mercilessly by thousand foes,

Even my friends behaved the same as them and I started breathing blood through my nose.

They say I don't react and when I do, they want that I shouldn't act,

All this has left me muddled and confused because the power to assess things, I lack.

I thought that the full moon night will bring a new charm in the darkness I'm in,

But it never helped, days and months passed and people continued committing sins.

I had felt the feelings of true love once which gave me a new hope to live,

It made me selfish and greedy as I never wanted that to anyone I should give -

My love. But it never happened the way I wanted it should,

Her prince came on a lovely white horse and smilingly in front of me he stood.

I can be easily identified amidst a happy crowd,

I'm passive but still my dull appearance is pretty loud.

I may be seen with a drooping face and unhappy eyes in those smiling faces,

I may look like a retarded horse that has continuously lost many races.

There was a time when good luck used to shelter and nourish me with confidence,

But everything is lost today, I'm weeping in the grim world of internal silence.

I no longer have the power and reasons to get back again into euphoria,

But to struggle and lose against everyone and lead a life of intense hysteria.

When I look around, I am hardly able to feel any love and some satisfaction,

I pray to God why he cursed my parents and gave them such a useless son.

I'm unlucky to all those who lie within my reach and vicinity,

I want to get killed, not by their words, but like the way people burn an effigy.

I feel so unlucky because I was denied the right to be treated as someone normal,

I never had some friends who, on every occasion, would not be formal.

I never got a chance to taste her intimacy and a fair share to drink some love from her lake,

Everytime I looked into her eyes for clarification, she always tried to be fake.

I'm not happy in this condition, in which I'm into since many years of my childhood days,

When the rest of the kids used to play with their friends, I tried to come out from this lonely maze.

I was unable to feel any love or affection in those days of my life which were so special,

And I indeed failed to collect any joy for lifetime in my empty, rusted and perforated vessel.

I hate to show that I love you

I was satisfied that very day when I accomplished to convince this world that I hated you,
Which always said, rather shouted that with you I can never misbehave or be untrue.
I forced the people around and some of my special friends to believe that I really didn't love you,
Who finally realized that I was not pretending as all the time your references made me blue.

I always tried that people should know that in my weak life, you meant nothing,
Despite the core of my heart always said that you were my inspiration, my everything.
I never allowed my feelings to flow again in that river, which dried because of my hatred,
My hard feelings for you always made my heart uneasy and everyday it remorsefully bled.

At times, I even spoke millions of abuses that insulted your angelic character,
To make the guys around feel that really, for you I can never be a benefactor.
It was no trouble for me to say all that as I had always been a remarkable actor,
And after all that, I could be spotted affectionately kissing your love-letter.

I did cry a lot when you left my hand at the time when I thought you were all mine,
I never expected the 'unexpected' to occur and I was alone to taste my tears.
Your departure killed me and my dead body lay bleeding in a rusted shrine,
And it wasn't long that I stopped responding to people as I had lived my worst fears.

I may be seen unaffected by the waves of love that originate from him and strike you,
I may give expressions that prove that I'm used to all that and there was nothing new.
I may smile still when I talk with you or any other of your friends any day,
But I know that my throat is choked and my eyes are welled with the internal distress of dismay.

I'm no longer a happy person, who had the ability to conquer the harsh days of his life,
I no longer have that confidence which pushed me ahead to emerge as a potent in every strife.
I collapsed when my love was uprooted before when it could actually take its firm roots,
And amidst nowhere the man of your life came singing his unappealing and crass hoots.

In order to protect my respect and from being called as a crazy lover who has no love,
I started restraining myself from you and from all those things in which you were.
Even if someone spoke your name I would get wild and agitated, totally beyond control,
Despite I knew that I loved you so deep and you still gave aroma to my foul smelling soul.

I was afraid to love you infront of everyone as all of them knew that you loved someone else,
And I may appear so stupid and helpless in that situation when I would ring my love bells!
To protect myself from more mockeries and sarcasm extending its sway towards me,
I was forced to behave that your name was cursed and when pronounced it sucked all of my glee.

The saddest part for me was that you never tried to find out if I had loved you or not,
Because I knew that many people had told you that my love for you was without any blots.
My love was completely altruistic which wanted that you should become popular and beloved,
But I was told that this aimless world misconstrued my visible love as if it mysteriously hid.

That's why I look callous whenever your name catches the limelight in front of my uneasy eyes,
And unknowingly, I'm asked by my timid mind to hate you by taking help of some obscene lies.
But my heart is ever true and it still beats in the hope of seeing that day when the black sky gets blue,
And when you come running back to me and I no longer hate to show that how much I love you...

The Life of Death

The saddest part of being a human is that
With passing time we get old.
And when we need energy, we find no fat
Beneath our wrinkled skin tone.

We start to lose our charm in the most unpleasing way,
We become unappealing, lethargic and ugly.
We cannot even stand beneath the warm sun during the day,
And can only dream of again walking briskly.

Then comes that day which is destined for all of us,
We have to leave this world and hug demise.
It is the time that defines the term 'mortal',
And no one can escape this fate, neither the foolish nor the wise.

What happens then? After someone has died?
Obviously, we lament and shriek at the loss.
But can that dead person again see us,
Engaged bitterly in a loud remorse?

Where does he go when his body is burnt?
Or is placed in a coffin and then buried in this Earth?
Is the man's vision lost for ever,
When the flame of his life becomes an extinguished hearth?

Is there any hell or heaven?
Do all spirits reach there by the roads which they had taken?
Is there any God with whom they ultimately meet?
Or the spirits of the dead further burn because of the hell's heat?

No living creature has ever experienced death,
Then why is everyone so sure that what does heaven or hell hath?
These different dimensions of the world are never seen,
Then why do people say that these places have always been?

And what does that dead man feel?
He knows that his wounds are never going to heal.
His absence will always haunt the joy of the relatives,
But now in our world, is he still a native?

What form does he take after he dies?
Does he look the same as he did before his death?
Or he reduces in size to become somewhat like flies?

Religions say that after death, a person meets the Lord,
He loves him and protects him from facing any odds.
The dead man finds a shelter in the land of the ultimate King,
But to all dead people, is this the only thing which their fortunes bring?

Isn't the heaven already over-crowded with other good people?
And hell suffocated with those who committed crimes quite lethal?
Is there any further room to stuff the invisible into it?
Isn't there any other dimension which is still to be lit?

If the spirits survive even after the death, what is their age?
These are some of the questions which people never envisage.
Don’t these spirits grow older in heaven after death?
And when their time comes, don't they suffer yet another death?

How long a person does lives then? What is the whole logic?
Is death something really bad or tragic?
Can anyone explain me what actually happens when there is no breath?

'What is the life of the death??'

The Blot in your Beauty

I never felt as bemused as I felt that day,
When you called me up but had nothing to say.
You replied to my warm 'hello' with a feeble tone,
That was filled with those tears which had made you lone.

I had never heard you cry before, in that tragic tone sounding so sore.
I felt helpless and desired to salve your grief by a lilt,
But that didn't help and I was locked up in the utmost guilt.

Your trembling voice spoke to me in a pitch of dismay,
It devoured those words which I wanted to say.
I stood still listening to you while my eyes gazed the holy Faun,
With whose blessings all your pains would be immediately gone.

This is one of the experiences of my aimless life and barren love,
That bruised my confidence and poured loneliness into my nerves.
That love of my life had kissed me with betrayal,
And fled with the one she loved against the harsh gale.

They had been living with the strongest affection after she broke my heart,
And only their tender love was left for me to dart.
The way they loved each other was, for me, like the worst tempest,
As my heart only pumped blood to stain our sweet love, I confess.

It had been a year since I was left to wander fetching the broken parts of my soul,
Which was burst into tiny pieces when she left me because of that vermint.
My existence and my smiles of ecstasy were also missing on the whole,
When her departure pushed me into this world of loneliness and grim.

She pulled me out of this world when she had called up that day,
Though she talked with me in a tone which wasn't gay.
She hadn't called me up to express that she had realized that she loves only me,
But to say that a misunderstanding strained him and her, and nowhere she could find glee.

I listened calmly to all her narration,
She spoke all her grief out despite of some hesitation.
And then she was blinded by some tears in her eyes,
After she expressed to me some truths after many lies.

I said to myself, 'O girl, if you had been with me,
I would have never allowed you to cry.
But it was your choice; you chose your love wrong,
And I was left to my fate that requested me to die.
Now why do you ask help from someone whom you never valued?
Inspite you know that with me you only behaved rude.
I'm sure that you even knew that I had loved you so much,
Even then you paralysed me without gifting me any crutch!'

But I had a soft-corner for her even when I knew she had never done anything sane for me,
And her condition ordered me to wipe her tears with my affection so that she could see.
She listened to each and every word I spoke in order to reduce the bitterness of her faith's curd,
And she was so satisfied and pleased with those last lines which I had uttered!

'Remember, he cannot afford to lose a gem like you ever,
Even if you leave him and go, his love for you in any case will not deter.
You are the most beautiful belonging which he can flaunt wherever he goes,
He is merely a thorned stalk but when you are there, it becomes a rose.
And whenever you feel there is something which you want to tell me,
I'm always there to assist you as making your smiles wider is my duty.
Don't get upset on such little things and cry on it until when I'm alive,
Because these tears are indeed a blot in your beauty!'

The Effect of Rain

I feel the chilling breeze flowing since night,
And that faint sun still emanating some light.
The noise of the raindrops falling on the roof,
Make me crazy, I start to move around to goof.

When the rain strikes the leaves of the shivering plants,
The melody produced asks me to step into a sweet trance.
The afraid flowers close their petals to stay safe,
When the morning chill moves happily all over with nippy waves.

The sound of the thunder and the flash of the lightening,
And the sound of the afraid dogs and of other creatures whining,
With the occasional chirp of birds and the moos of the cows,
And the happiness of the farmers and poor peasants willing to plough-
Add to the beauty of the nature, and the effect of rain,
When water will quench our thirsty throats and not dump into huge drains.

And then the rainbow shines when the sun looks at the drenched Earth,
And even the nature starts to smile with the true mirth.
I feel so satisfied when I look onto the fresh flowers dazzling under light,
And praise that Almighty who is solely responsible for their might.

The whole environment around gets filled with a new life,
A new wave of renaissance stretches its arms to hug the different creatures with pride.
I feel so delighted to smell the odour of the new jasmines,
And to see that nothing around me shouts with depression or appears snide.

Even the dying flowers get a new hope to staunch their dying stalk,
And even my crippled dreams get a new hope to walk!
I can hardly recollect if I had ever felt as lucky and happy as I felt today,
When the moisture-laden breezes lifted from me all the feelings of dismay.

I felt I was purified as the blots of dissatisfaction on me were washed away by the rain,
And all my secrets were revealed and my entire grief or remorse had become arcane.
When I saw the trees trembling and the little grass stand erect,
I realized that being weak cannot necessarily attract all troubles with you as the target.

The fair breeze lifted that umbrella, which hindered joy to approach me,
And for the first time I was standing to lick merriness for free.
I could never imagine that this nature will try to help me out,
And respond in such a beautiful way to my regular helpless shouts.

The first time I'm bereft of words that can detail my experience,
Because I never realized that a single rain can erase most of my grievance.
I feel lucky, lucky to have life within me,
Because if I were not alive, I would have never felt this overwhelming glee.