Hard to Breathe

I know now that you had lied to me,

When you said that I shine like a star

And I appeared perfectly healed,

Despite on my heart, you could see a scar.

You cuddled me when I was alone,

And I melted in that warmth.

But when I got so used to of you,

You pushed me away to face the storm.

Whenever you wiped away my tears,

I felt that you would never leave me.

And when the mist hindered my vision,

You promised that you'll give me your eyes to see.

You always made me believe,

That I hadn't been sick for ever.

You coughed your spirits into me,

So that I revive myself and get better.

And your every effort paid well,

I could see myself changed.

I didn't feel myself dissolving in the pure water,

Whenever I stood still to relish the rain.

I wanted to hug you tight,

For whatever you did to me.

But you were not there this time,

To taste a piece of my glee.

I searched for you madly,

But I couldn't find you.

I asked every person of this Earth,

The destination of the girl who made me all new.

They never told me anything,

And simply dismissed my requests.

They said I was a rude person,

Who deserves to be love bereft.

It was then I came to realise,

That you had made me rough.

I was no longer kind or altruistic,

The love you gave me was a bluff.

You changed me for worse,

By weaving me in your charm.

And then you came in front of me,

Grinning wildly at my harm.

I turned back and ran as fast as I could,

While my tears marked the trail.

The betrayal you gave me so simply,

Sucked my life and made me frail.

Today when I look into the mirror,

I find my soul watching me from the other side.

I'm not myself anymore,

Behind an opaque hindrance I hide.

I've tried shattering that mirror,

And put together those sharp pieces of my soul.

But however earnestly I've tried,

I've failed to achieve my goal.

My every touch wounds my skin,

And I profusely bleed.

I cannot feel any breath of my soul,

Which makes it harder for me to breathe.

Meaningless Tears

Every new day brings for me another gloom.

Every new face I see makes me believe that I'm a lune.

Every new hope I conceive dies the next second

And this didn't happen today- it has always happened.

So much uneasiness forced me to change the way I see the world

And ordered me to ponder upon all those words which I absent-mindedly hurled.

So I started re-shaping my mental contour to fit into the likes of all

I buried my ire forever into the cold ground during the snowfall.

I learnt to ignore all those things which were enough to get me mad

I even tried to shower honey onto everybody I see and not be bad.

I relaxed in my pursuit of seeking all the time everything which is finer,

And accepted everybody as they were and not make anything shinier.

But, there was one thing in me which I refused to change

And that was that I hated anybody breaking my trust.

I felt that it was only faith which strengthened a friendship

Keeping a friend's promise was a must!

Irony is that whenever I trust somebody I love very much

Breaks brutally the faith I have in him by selling his promise as such

To another person without caring if I would mind it or not

Without thinking that this gesture could hurt me a lot..

I have no idea how to respond to such a saddening situation

When such dear friends can expose my secrets without a hesitation.

And when I complain against their action in a firm voice

They simply say that it was necessary to share it and they had no choice!

I'm getting weaker by trying continuously to change my outlook

I feel as if I'm hanging over a hungry fire with the support of a cotton hook.

My body is blistered by these flames which are ready to devour me

But my heart feels cold due the trapped spirits of my dead glee.

My eyes are filled with tears and my heart protests in anguish

What do I want and what I don't my brain cannot distinguish.

I don't know if I should trust a face which appears genial and sublime

I'm tired keeping all the things I wish to share to myself every time.

Nobody cares about my feelings and to my desires nobody gives an ear

I'm always made a fun of, whenever my eyes produce a tiny tear.

All such actions of my friends puncture my covering which I had again built

And to make the matters worst, they deny that they were ever at guilt.

I'm breaking down slowly unable to bear any more betrayal by anyone

Of all the experiences I had, I deduce that it is always better not to face the sun.

I'm tired of turning the hourglass again and again, waiting for a time to come

When I don't find myself deceited and my heart never again turns numb.

I cannot withstand any more difficulty and I want to get out of of all this

I feel as if I'm struggling since eternity trying to make my life a bliss.

Today, I'm tired of fighting this battle in which I will overpower my old fears.

When will that time come when people find some meaning in my otherwise meaningless tears?

When I see you with him

It brings a tear in my eye

And my throat gets choked.

It rips my soul apart

After murdering my hopes.

It wounds my heart

It shatters my dreams.

It cuts me into pieces

My bleeding body screams.

It kills me inside

And my life is lost.

It forces me to stand

Naked in the frost.

It pours in me the chill

Which bites my broken bones.

Blood clots in my veins

While I shiver alone.

It makes me paralysed

I cannot move a limb.

It all happens simultaneously

When I see you with him.

It makes me feel betrayed

When you caress his hair.

I am completely helpless

I can do nothing but stare.

It inflicts scars on my heart

It devastates my wishes.

It slashes my moaning spirit

The flame of optimism extinguishes.

It pierces my mind

I can barely think.

It replaces the ground with an ocean

In which I slowly sink.

It corrodes my strength

It tatters my skin.

Then despair rains over me

As I know I cannot win.

It sucks all of my life

It makes me completely grim.

I cannot pause my breakdown

When I see you with him.

Life vs. Death

A little joke cleared it all

It finally pushed me into the fall.

I know that I was never worthy to live,

Then why everybody reminds me of it,

And makes my dim realisations olive?

In these sixteen years which I've lived,

I've only seen people who wanted to get rid

Of me. My very appearance affronts them

And even my little laugh causes them pain.

Everybody hates me so much

That this very thought makes me uncomfortable.

I did nothing good in my life

Instead, I made everyone else's life unbearable.

This hatred has weakened me too

I cannot face anybody for long.

And when there is a rush of people,

I even forget how to look strong.

My veins start burning when I see them

And it feels that at any time they can burst.

I wish I wasn't able to see and hear them clearly

As it makes my moaning soul suffer the worst.

But I know that it's in my hand to make them all happy

I just have to accept to willingly die.

In this way, I will do everybody I know, something good

It's always better not to live in a lie.

I'm sure that my death will make people happier

Than my life did to them.

Everything then would be so much easier

As everybody would emerge out of the mayhem.

Many people have even told me on my face

That they don't want to see me alive.

And I cannot survive in this world incognito

As the smell of my decaying soul they'll recognise.

So my desire to live is fading fast

Any day I will surrender.

I don't wish to live in such a world,

Where my every interference causes blunders.

I also don't have any energy left to stand upright

I'm tired shielding my eyes from the outside world which shines so bright.

I just want to lie peacefully into infinite sleep for ever

And escape this everyday torture which to me, this world handed over.

Unspoken Words

So many people I see

Talking nicely, strangely but happily.

I reach to them in one go

But they scatter on my approach, blaming my bright ego.

I try to be nice, I am nice

But nobody finds my niceness suffice.

I always take care of not hurting anybody,

But in this attempt I hurt everybody.

I weigh my words and then utter what I'm thinking,

And in the process I at time do rapid blinking.

But how does it show that I'm showering sarcasm?

Why my each thought-well-before-said word causes spasm?

Sadly, the best of my friends also find me rude always.

They say that I'm becoming worse with passing days.

I've tried so much to change myself so that nobody dislikes me

But it hasn't helped as my smile still extinguishes the flame of glee.

My every friendly action is rejected by all,

And nobody ever picks up my call.

I'm unaware why the dust of loneliness always arrives to dirty me?

Why in this vast world it's only I whom it can see?

Sometimes the situations get so out of control

That I curse the Lord for giving me a living soul.

I never understand why my grief produces no sound

While I run desperately for finding love on this thorned ground.

I've failed to fight the solitude without any help,

I've lost my voice to express myself; now I can only yelp.

So much neglection has damaged my under-protected hope

Nothing can change now, nothing, as much as I know.

I can feel myself disintegrating slowly into small bits

All the energy within me is drifting away from those open slits

Covering every inch of my decaying body, into the polluted air.

And I'm helpless unable to attract my disappearing flare.

The darkness has swallowed the protests of my soul.

The cold silence has hushed down the pain from my moan.

And the acid in the eyes of those who wish to see me dead

Has dissolved all the conscious portion of my burning head.

The world is ending for me and it is ending fast,

I'm lagging behind in the efforts of emerging out of the last.

But now I've decided to give in and not resent any blow

While the petals of my spirits are flying towards the biting snow.

I wanted to say a lot of things to many people before dying

Even though I knew that all of them would think that I'm lying.

But now it's more than late for those unspoken words to enter this world

Which quietened me forever and didn't care even if I died unheard.

A Little Story

He believed that he was the saddest soul on this Earth,

Who was completely useless, uncanny and not worth -

Of receiving any good, joy, gifts or mirth

And everything referring to love in his life was in dearth.

Everybody looked upon him with a pronounced irritation

They even abused him and these abuses were always on elevation.

The boy was never able to figure out what his mistake was -

Why he often suffered insults and the subsequent image-loss?

Let me take you all today to his past,

To Grade First, when that boy was no last-

To smile, giggle, play, dance, and chuckle

Nobody disliked him - this fact seems a miracle!

On the very first day, he fell in love with his English teacher

His heart was so pure and clear, a poor creature!

He felt broken when he realised their age difference,

This was his first heart-break, so I just made a little reference.

He noticed a girl in his class,

Who appeared different- confident and crass.

His attention always revolved around her

And whenever their eyes met, she would give a blissful smirk.

Within no time, they became friends,

They walked together, hand in hand, wherever they went.

The world stared them hungrily whenever they moved this way,

But they never paid any attention; they just remained close and gay.

Once, when his school got over,

The boy hurriedly grabbed her water-bottle and ran away with a laughter.

He was sure that the girl would come running after him,

And this entire scene would generate so much fun.

He was bewildered when she did not come,

He waited for her sometime but his expectation was rendered undone.

He left her bottle there on the ground, where he stood confused,

As, to carry her bottle home with himself, his mind refused.

That evening her mother called him up,

There was an urgency in her tone when she asked him what he had done to her.

She had been crying the whole afternoon beyond control

And her favourite water-bottle was also missing, on the whole.

Worried, he rushed to her home like an ideal brother.

After mending the mistake his parents ask them to hug each other.

This was the boy's first hug to a stranger,

And he knew then that their friendship was cemented for ever...

He never knew that for him, she could ever become a danger,

The girl whom he loved so dearly would choose to again become a stranger.

He never dreamt that she would hop around and mock him

And after installing hatred in others she would confront him with a brutal grin.

But he realized this when with passing time she started betraying him

And without any worry, she just allowed to slip coarse abuses for him.

She saturated the ears of all his classmates with profanity very cleverly,

Who never doubted the authenticity of her references and just believed her blindly.

So, eventually, everyone readily started to take part in her ploy,

They displayed intense mockery and criticism for that innocent boy.

The puzzled boy asked her if she had known anything about it, with a moist eye,

She did not answer his question but left him weeping there after saying a blunt goodbye...

This broke their friendship which was meant for eternity.

How could she not reply to him? Didn't she feel pity?

Everything which he would now have to suffer was only because of her,

He could not protest as her indifference softened his voice into a mere whisper.

So, today, you all can see,

That boy is all alone with no happiness or glee.

Every trespasser teases him, abuses him,

And he keeps quiet just to respect that 'friendship' which someday had been.

Eight sad years have slowly passed by,

Still all those moments are fresh in his mind and he bitterly cries.

He has no more strength left that could either enable him to face any more humiliation

Or support his limbs to shut the mouth of everybody with a display of intense aggression.

But, God did send him few people who could support him and call him their 'friend'

And try to cement that crevice which had made all the rods of his faith bend.

" It's too late now to restore anything " , he seldom thinks,

In every past memory he reminisces, his heart sinks.

Today, on top of everything, she comes to him and tries to talk nice.

How could she even hope that their friendship would again blossom from the dust of lies?

His entire body pains and his soul moans whenever she comes near

As her beautiful face was the one which made him live into a world of fear.

This was the discernible outline of his unblessed life -

The life in which he had to only cry, suffer and relentlessly strife.

Now there is no space left in him to accommodate any happiness or glee,

I feel so terrible to admit the truth that, that 'he' is 'me' ...

A MESSAGE TO ALL THE READERS -

It is indeed very difficult for me

To summarize everything that I suffered from in these past ten years.

I can never forget what she did to me even if I long to,

Despite today I've become bolder and I've deracinated all of my fears.

The saddest thing is that she doesn't feel that she has ever done anything wrong,

She only believes that the vibrations which ruined my life were emanated by the placid air hitting the gong.

But I know that the sweet Lord sees us all and He will punish her for her deed,

And I will smile then when she would cry blood trying to find somebody in times of desperate need.

Killed by the Nature

All this time I never thought about the dark sky with a bright moon,

Holding hands with the deep sea, which tried to engulf it soon.

I never saw the moss, green and azure, blanketing the rocks of the shore,

And smelled the enigma of the invisible air; it was so pure.

I never ventured beyond the reaches of this mystified nature,

I was always focused on the one, my beautiful 'creature'.

But when I found that few dreams can never be materialized,

I stepped quietly into this serene nature, hopeful and disguised.

I remember that night, when the lightening appalled my eyes,

Cold, metallic and shiny it appeared; it looked so nice.

I was drifted towards the insane purity of its appearance,

But its brightness was so perfect that I couldn't extend my bearance.

One second it hovered there and the next second it was gone,

It sparkled the great grey clouds when simultaneously they were torn.

I could feel the magic of might tingling the hair behind my neck,

It was something so pellucid, something which was worth to fetch.

I started to walk in the direction where the gentle breeze pushed me,

I reached a river and I watched it slapping the rocks harshly.

I never felt so amazed to listen to the sound of such consistent violence,

The sound the river produced mended my bleeding ears with exuberance.

The moonlight directed a bundle of beautiful silver light right into my swollen eyes,

This light brightened all the dark patches within me and I started to feel nice.

My dying body started to restore its fervour as the energy it inflicted was grand,

I started to assemble once again from scattered particle into a mountain of sand.

But soon darkness started to spread in front of my new vision,

The moonlight became distorted and the blackness gulped it without hesitation.

The wonderful breeze which had been blowing started to become rough,

The solemn eclipse was followed by this gale which was unbelievably tough.

And then the river changed its course, it started to gain huge heights,

The strength it displayed was enough to haunt a person till death in his frights.

No longer it was slapping the rigid rocks; it devoured them greedily in one go,

The energy it emitted eventually was icy; it felt as if I was standing naked in the snow.

Everything changed its rigour and route almost immediately then,

The thunder which has allured me once caused the worst mayhem.

The river overflowed, the rough gale blew and the thunder splitted my ears apart,

I had healed so perfectly a moment ago and now I had to again collect myself from the start.

The eerie darkness started to suck me in, into the depths of utter discomfort,

And the pressure with which it tried to pursue its intentions, evidently hurt.

I could not feel my limbs tearing apart as the circumstance made me so numb,

The pain it caused asked me to shriek wildly but then I had turned completely dumb.

I churned in the charisma of nature which I thought was always velvet,

The silver light which was so soothing to my open wounds became violet.

I started to lose control over my even breathing while I writhed in the dark,

And the lightening illustrated my grievance with an occasional blinding spark.

I've really felt all this with a much greater intensity at some point of time in my past,

I remember clearly that my once jubilant life had started to lose its flavour very fast.

The situations I was subjected to then gave birth to a troglodytic poet within me,

Who wrote about pain, separation and deceival because it was the only source of his glee.

Meandering Thoughts

I extinguished with the dying fire,

With such a weak, frightened heart I couldn't walk higher.

I always considered my fire incapable of becoming cold

I never imagined that one day, in this way, I'll lose my hold.

I could see my reflection in the serene water

The orange flames were dying unable to get any hotter.

I wasn't moulded into a person worth dying for

And the emptiness I inhaled possibly had no cure.

All this happened when I finally reached the place I had always wished to be.

I could hear laughter, taste love and the blissful glee.

The air I sucked in perfumed my rotten, decaying soul

And almost immediately, all my hopes started to rebuild on their own.

My cheeks which were permanently moist by the tears I cried,

Started to lose the stain as the tears slowly dried.

I felt myself glisten in this world I always hated

After I intimately hugged that joy for which I had always waited.

I could see my blood pushing itself back into the open wounds.

And eventually the love I witnessed started to obliterate all my glooms.

That huge hole which had been punched right through my chest

Started to heal fastly as now I wasn't love-bereft!

So much love and affection spread unconsciousness in me,

I had completely forgotten that even I could live in mirth and glee.

Every confused scream that escaped my lips tormented my frightened soul

I didn't know if I wanted to live a happy life and drink happiness through an osmium-bowl.

I confronted the dream I always saw whenever I slept with a swollen face,

And today, it stood right next to me, with a bright halo of acceptance and grace.

But I was bemused if I was really ready to live in this stupendous aura of love and faith

The puzzled emptiness which was a part of me now, rose with resentment like a wraith.

My blistered tongue did not lick this new joyous kind of flame,

But my heart wanted it to burn me fully and never allege against it any blame.

Mixed emotions sprouted up from me for this new kind of reception,

One said to adopt it forever and one said to discard it as it's better to live in rejection.

I am so confused to choose the best option that favours me in the long run,

Because I've learnt to live in utter isolation and in the absence of a bright sun.

Fifteen years have replaced all traces of mirth within me into an asphyxiating pain,

I'm unsure if now will I be able to withstand the cool, affectionate, sweet-sounding rain...

Let Me Go

I always saw an irrevocable love for me in her eyes,

Which was unconditional and pellucid, not based on lies.

She just gave her heart to me with acceptance when we first talked,

Despite she knew that I was the one whom the world happily mocked.

I was simple, never gaudy; I hardly appeared distinguished in a crowd,

But still she observed me and said that my perfection was very loud.

I always saw a possessive person in her who never wanted to lose me,

And would hold me forever even though I wished to flee.

She imposed her friendship on me so that we could come close,

And on one day, she publicly gave me a beautiful red rose.

I twitched when I realized that she is expressing her love for me,

I wasn't ready for a commitment- I wished to stay free...

I asked her that we can be friends forever but not the ones in love,

So, she stopped talking about it but I knew it was merely a bluff.

I could always feel the warmth of the flames of love which dazzled in her heart,

And somewhere I knew, it wasn't all over; she had just made a fresh start.

Slowly and slowly, she started to try to win some conscious part of me,

And very smartly she watered all the bushes surrounding my feeble tree.

She tried to protect me form any kind of insanity, grief and fear,

With a firm hope that one day she will become my 'dear' .

Her gestures were inhumanly kind and she always made me giggle and laugh,

And many-a-times, in some serious joking, she used to confess that I was her half.

Without me, she could not sustain long and I was her life-giving drug,

Even if I vanished from her eyes just for a minute, she would become smug.

She fought with all those people whom I considered my closest friends,

Sometimes she fought using her tongue and sometimes even hands.

All this started distancing me apart from her again for my own good,

I felt insecure because in every rain she spread up like an umbrella where I stood.

She messed up her relations with all of her friends due to this infatuation,

She wouldn't care if the world burned if she succeeded to win my affection.

All this overwhelming spate of love started placing a lot of baggage over my head,

I started to feel irritated and annoyed whenever my smile turned her cheeks red.

The thing that incensed me the most was that she interfered in my personal life,

She started telling me with whom I should stay or talk, as if she was my wife.

I brimmed up with infuriation whenever she tried to advise me with a caressing tone,

Rather than to have somebody love you like this, it's better to be completely alone.

She never allowed anybody to come near me if she was around,

Whenever she saw someone approaching, she pushed me deeper into the ground.

And spread herself like a grass on the patch under which I was buried,

Until the one whom she considered as a danger in other direction hurried.

I tried all possible ways to tell her that I don't love her the way she does,

But she never lent her ears to my talks which she thought were total rust.

I once tried to be blunt about how I felt for her as I couldn't keep her in mist,

The next day she shocked me by displaying her slitted-open wrist!

I don't know how shall I convince her that we just cannot be more than friends,

I cannot live with such a person who, to receive love, can adopt such disgusting trends.

Whenever I touch her by mistake I feel so sick to watch her pale face glow,

Will that time ever come, when she cuts the ropes she tied me in, and let me go?

To my Mother

You are my fairy tale princess,

So much larger than life.

You are my angel and my witness

Through all my pain and strife.

You're patient when I'm foolish;

You give guidance when I ask;

It seems you can do most anything;

You're the master of every task.

You're a dependable source of comfort;

You're my cushion when I fall.

You help in times of trouble;

You support me whenever I call.

How could I ever, thank you enough?

Through your examples, I learned to be tough.

You taught me how to, stand up for myself,

Always place books, back onto the shelf.

How did you find the energy, Mom

To do all the things you did,

To be teacher, nurse and counselor

To me, when I was a kid.

Even if the distance pushes us apart,

My love for you will have no end.

I'll always hold the memories in my heart.

You're my mother, my best friend.

I love you more than you know;

You have my total respect.

If I had my choice of mothers,

You'd be the one I'd select!

Black Souls

All I can see today with my sullen bleeding eyes,

Is a harsh world completely brimmed with dirty lies.

Behind every brightly pained door

Lives a dishonest man who has stopped loving anyone anymore.

With a little hope, I walked the path leading to the Benevolent Street,

With tears in eyes, pain in heart and hands stretched out in greed

Of plucking out some fruits of joy from that fully laden tree

And devour some hastily so that I was again able to relish the taste of glee.

First of all I met a little girl, as lively as she could be,

Singing and dancing as she walked, her beautiful hair hung loosely.

I was attracted towards her and wished that she teaches me how to smile

Urgently, I obstructed her way and pleaded that face, so genuine, it couldn't beguile.

She held my hand and took me to where other dozens of happy people were walking,

And during this time she hardly did any talking.

Then she spoke, and shouted, until all the eyes were glued at me,

She mocked my despair and loneliness until everybody was laughing merrily.

Insulted, I ran away from her and hit a boy who had a serene subtle face,

He helped me to balance myself and introduced himself with grace.

When I asked him to be my friend for ever as I always had been lonely,

His expressions soured, and he simply walked away scornfully.

I met many others who turned out to be even worse,

While drifting away they gave me a punch of curse.

Some even punctured my heart with what they did,

And my blood started oozing out from where it always hid.

When I wondered if my request was so offensive and impossible to fulfil,

Someone came up to me with an understanding face where I was sitting still.

She put her hand on my shoulder and shed two tears with me,

It was then I discovered that it was only her with whom I wanted to be.

I was totally lost in the aroma of her presence,

And slowly I started to feel happiness in the veins of my existence.

The dead skin of my lips chipped when she made me smile with her,

And I realized that I have found the one who will be with me forever.

Once, she asked me to accompany her to a distant place,

Where she introduced me to one handsome face.

She declared before him that she didn't love me at all,

And pushed me down into the ocean of hopelessness through a depressing fall.

Today, my skin has developed many deep holes

Which were inflicted by all those sadistic, black souls.

The deepest hole, aching the most is the one which penetrated my heart

Inflicted by the one whom I loved the most when we separated apart.

Downpour of Light

When I peep into my past I see that I was never in love with someone,

I used to walk alone in my life, I was solitary, the incomplete one.

I never washed my face with the genteel water of loveliest affection,

Instead, my spirits were splashed by the muck of excruciating rejection.

I have always seen the sun shining from behind the thick grey clouds,

I never had anyone who could sit with me and clear all my doubts.

My soul felt ashamed whenever I stood in front of a shiny mirror,

I had been to the bank many-a-times, but I could never cross the river.

Excessive thirst used to pull my tears towards my numb mouth

Parched my throat was, after I had yelled so loud -

For company, friends, and love which never wished to enter my cursed life,

And I know how much it pained when everyday in this bitter world I died.

So worthless I felt, I couldn't see anyone who cared for me,

The dunes of my spirits never flickered even on facing a caressing breeze.

My broken moaning was the only sound my ears listened for years,

And all this time I drowned sluggishly into the quick-sand of my worst fears.

I always dreamt about conquering this world I nearly died in everyday,

But my weakness pulled me behind from letting myself participate in the fray.

I was weak at the knees and my joints chuckled whenever I wished to move on,

I was a lifeless being, just breathing the contaminated air, from dawn to dawn.

The translucent sky never showed me how azure it was,

I wanted to be happy, but I could never collect any reasonable cause.

I was fully broken, shattered into uncountable pieces of glass,

And if I tried to put them together, it was I who had to bleed at last.

The pain was so much that I couldn't feel any other emotion which existed,

It held me paralysed while I burned all my memories of defeat, completely unmisted.

It surpassed every emotion that I had ever felt all during these years,

The pain was so pronounced that even my death could make me happier.

I couldn't live another second in this pain but my body wouldn't move,

My soul was sculptured beautifully on the sadistic, burning groove.

I could not sense my veins, they were sealed by the agony I endured,

And my blood was drained out by everybody referring this action to be the only cure.

I was completely strangulated by the rusted chains of dismay and fear,

I couldn't move a limb and to my decaying body, nobody would near.

I always pleaded to the gigantic sky to rescue me from all this pain,

To rain some light on me too, and for once make me alive and arcane.

I never understood why I repulsed the spectrum of hope away from me?

Why my soul was tarnished despite I never spat on anybody's glee?

When will I be able to fight myself out of the morbid extent of this night,

And able to relish the tingle of my skin in a jaunty downpour of light?

An Acceptance

Since the day I first saw you, I never felt the way I feel today,

Your every appearance before my eyes re-sparkles my dull day.

Just a dainty sound of your chuckle forces my dead heart to bloom,

And whenever you speak to me, I forget all of my troubling gloom.

I merely get a few minutes to talk to you everyday,

But those minutes are enough for me to survive the entire day.

How perfect you seem to me, your every word - every action,

And whenever I utter something stupid, I love watching your reaction.

I even forget blinking my eyes when you expose that smile of yours at me,

A torrent of satisfaction pulls me in whenever I find you in glee.

So lucky I feel everytime I get to see you,

I accept that you're the one who refreshed my life and made it all new.

Why do I lose control of myself whenever you come before me?

Why do I always construct you into everybody I see?

I don't know what to call these feelings which I mentioned above -

Is it an honest friendship or a selfless love?

I cannot express in words about the ocean of love living in me,

Its waves rise so high whenever in front of my eyes you be.

I almost drown in this euphoria everytime you touch my hand,

And my hasty breaths carve your name on the golden sand.

You revivified every broken string of my eroded guitar,

So, now don't inflict upon my heart any painful scar.

I know I'll sink into the darkness again where I always hided,

If in the end this love proves to be one-sided.

I promise I'll chain myself with misery if you go away,

And shun my random breaths in all this fray.

I accept that in my light less life, you're the shiniest star,

Please don't ever leave me alone and go far...

She let her life fly away ...

She looked into the water at the face she always groomed,

But only noticed blood in her blue eyes; the blood of her fresh wound.

Every bright day from then introduced a new suffering in her dainty life,

And every new face she saw mocked her when she wandered in her lonely strife.

She wished to fly to that haunted monastery up the hill,

Where thousands of laburnum trees flourished ready to kill.

Just a little seed of theirs would salvage her from all pain

And her wish would get materialised of never seeing this cruel world again.

There was a man whom she had loved with a very sincere heart,

His feel always made her chirrup like an innocent lovely little lark.

It was he with whom she had always been lavender and lurid,

And it was only he, who was reponsible for her turning ever putrid.

She defied everybody to love him; she left everyone for him,

The light of her faith was gaudy, she never allowed it to dim.

She approached him with open arms and surrendered herself,

He accepted her merrily. The clock tolled twelve.

She lived the dream she adored every night,

The man she loved was always infront of her sight.

She radiated happiness through her translucent pale skin

Whenever she kissed him and he acknowledged that love with a grin.

After a month or two she discovered that she was about to become a mother,

She rushed to him with joy, on the way floating in air like a free feather.

She told him everything excitedly and said that now they should get married,

So that the little baby gets his identity in the world whom she carried.

The next morning when she woke up, she couldn't find her lover,

He left her alone to face the world with ofcourse, her tiny nudger.

She collapsed instantly on the floor, bereft of a person who could understand her.

She wanted to cry but the shock was so pronounced that even a word she couldn't utter.

She was devoid of any aid; she couldn't return to those people whom she had left,

But she needed a shoulder on which all her pain she could rest.

The one who was the essential emollient substance for her existence

Was responsible for her misery, her abandoned child and for all her grimace.

She wanted to save her child but she couldn't search any way,

Nothing seemed to have color for her, all she could see was a dirty shade of grey.

It was then she decided not to see any other rueful day,

Her 'nudger' was also killed when she let her life fly away...

Ageing Agony

My hand is still stretched out towards the heaven

And my heart waits for you without a reason.

Time has elapsed so gleamingly all this time

Hovering smugly over the noise of any tearful chime.

I feel our fresh past, rueful and agonising.

I remember the time when you broke my wing.

And attached it with yours and flew away from me forever.

Crippled and broken I was, over my cursed fate to deter.

All this time I had been devoid of your sound,

The grass of my life turned ugly yellow on the parched ground.

Today, the freshly bloomed roses of my inspiration no more live,

And there is fear in my eyes, concealed but still olive.

I'm so sure that I will never be able to overcome this shock.

I'm sturdy but my heart is composed of the fragile cotton rock.

Pain is so easily penetrable through my thin skin,

That it makes me believe that in the game of life I can never win!

Every moment I ask myself, what caused you to leave my hand,

And disappear like a small shell in the vast stretched ocean of sand.

No reasonable answer appears in my mind which could soothe me for the rest of my life,

How will l be able to love again when my beating heart is being pushed deeper into the knife?

The flames of my spirit ended up into the haunted reaches of the wraith,

Claiming, altogether, my diminished resources of exuberance and dainty faith.

You came into my barren life, and it eventually became so sweetly fertile,

So ignorant of the real truth that when you're away it will again get docile.

A force of despair pulls me down to sink in the spate of tears I produced,

Coupled with the ageing agony which makes me lost, totally bemused.

So much pain is present, can it be avoided? Is there a way?

Can I sleep once in the serene night and never see the next day?

The Sun has Set

What I beheld with grace bit me off

It was scary, the pain that inched me

Everything seemed so natural, so blessed when I looked back

Never anything said that all of a sudden I would become slack

Ever, like this.

The Sun always shone clear, warm and lovely

It always kissed right on the cheek with an affable affection.

It slapped today when I tried to overlook the obvious

When I focused on not allowing my heart to realize

That she had gone miles away from it forever.

I was accustomed of losing myself in the twilight of your dim eyes

I never wanted a dusk to break into my perfect life.

Every helpless feeling dawned into the new horizon of my new sight,

When the Sun of my living had set into a sterile, ugly night.

I wonder if we were ever two beings having a common heart

If out scent ever interwined and glistened the aura.

I drowned in reality, the preposterous had occured

My life, in every form, had noticeably broken, flustered.

Was I smug in acting the way my heart yelled me to do?

I agree to the cons confirming that I was the man with emptiness.

I actually never held a chalice of love and offered it to her!

I always expected that she had known that I loved her...

This kind of insecurity has never came across me

I'm feeling afraid of death!

Death - the unavoidable, inescapable fate of anyone

I know I'll die without her.

The charisma of your faintly lit face still haunts me,

When you visited me for the last time.

I tried to understand the cause of your rejection then

But today, it's completely insignificant.

I'm like a blind searching for a coin in the mayhem.

My willingness to live this cruel world which always gave me pain

Was just because I knew I had someone to live for.

Everything has quickly changed.

I failed searching for something that could stop me from dying

Everyday.

I wish, someone showed me the way to her

What my heart dreams everyday, wants to feel now.

I cannot retain my blood in the veins if she doesn't returns

I will have to collapse.

I cannot remember when my heart had last fret,

But I know that the sun of my life has set.

And I want my set sun back!

How I bled...

As the smoke slowly arose,

I could see my fading life's rose.

It started to lose it's lovely red,

And painfully, it was how I bled.

My blood meandered faithlessly,

When more eyes aimed me. Sheepishly,

I tried to forget and ignore

Still, I started turning ever sore.

I thought I'd walked past my morose history,

And this time indeed, it was only my victory.

But, they say, the history repeats itself,

So it did, more painfully than I'd before felt.

A more intense blow of hatred punched this time,

Even though I was surrounded by the real sublimes.

Everything that I always wished to avoid,

Came rushing to saturate me as if I were totally void.

Another billion insults came to reside within me, through this air,

And confirmed me that even this time for me, the game of life would not be fair -

As in a new place with new people, a new spate of obscenity will pull me in,

And throw me out in the open drenched in the thick blood of their doomed sins.

Everytime I wonder why can everyone read my weakness through my damp face?

Why only some ugly sets of words approach me to lovingly embrace?

Today, my very ambience has become so pitiably uninviting.

I shiver whenever a new face sees the real me through my plastic hiding.

It pains when I blink my eyes,

Swollen and fatigued they are, after spending all their hope of finding someone nice.

Everyday, a new beginning and the same old end has made my ties with luck loose,

It hurts as much as when blood gushes strongly through the veins beneath a bruise.

What echoes in my ears everytime is that sound of rough chuckles

I feel if I'm woven by a sharp dozen of closed sickles!

Each day I know I'm losing myself into this maze of cursed tests,

I'm never helped by anyone in my excruciating quests.

What I know is that I'll remember all this even after I die.

I'll remember that each cause that required me to cry.

I'll ask for clarification from Him, the Lord,

Why out of everyone I know, He made me so disgustingly odd?

I've decided firmly to sleep forever,

It's pros and cons are indeed in my favour.

I feel breathless after pondering over every word that they had bluntly said

And by the smile lighting up their faces when they saw how painfully I bled.

It shattered

She walked away simply without letting me again speak,

I winced after realizing that everything had become bleak.

All the enthusiasm I had the previous night had withered and died,

When the next day she turned me down with looks full of snide.

Blood drained from my face and my head started to spin,

This time, at any exquisite cost, my heart wanted to win!

A pool of dizzying images rushed to fill my dry, astonished eyes,

And there I was, drowning in the tears of many counterfeit lies.

My desire this time was like the uncratered moon,

It was sure that this time it would avoid meeting the doom.

But with her refusal my moon drifted upwards, getting pale,

And finally it became the colour of stars, faded and stale.

What all I had planned sunk in my transparent tears,

My heart pleaded for relief as it's vision had become unclear.

I trembled after she gave me a disapproving smile from her fine lips.

The new dawn of life within me became an immortal eclipse.

I had already seen the lovely future having us holding hands

While we walked bare-footed on the tingling sandy lands.

I was slapped by this undiscovered form of future nostalgia

When I realized that overwhelmingly I had surrendered my intelligentsia.

I was sure that our story wouldn't conclude atleast in this way,

But it did after fading all the hues of my uncared hope into grey.

Our love story started with a prologue accentuating the red rose of autumn

And after 100 blank pages ended with the epilogue stating that my love blossomed out of season.

She never spoke anything to me but her looks explained it all,

With grief, I decided to jump into an unstoppable fall.

All the shimmer of joy started to lose itself in that new moon night

And disappeared with reluctance before my gaping sight.

This is how it all shattered into impossible-to-mend pieces,

This is how it escaped from my hand, much beyond my reaches.

This is how it buried itself into the grave of despondence

And this is how I broke with my solemnly cursed exuberance.

I just wonder if it would have happened the way I had wanted,

How mesmerizingly our relationship would have been flaunted.

We would have loved each other with so loyalty, truth and integrity,

That every creature in love would have remembered our name till eternity.

A friend I'll always remember

First you make me happy and then eventually I get sad,

When you wipe away my tears, I smile and then I curse why did I look glad.

I wonder the love with which you always drench me, how will I pay back?

How will a rainbow sprout up ever from the darkest portions of black?

I used to wander aimlessly in this bright sun without a goal,

I carried the grave of my dead spirit and a timid, gothic soul.

It was then your shade came shyly on all the dimensions of my living,

And then I realised that now I was protected from each kind of suffering.

Your faint chuckle, the depth of your firm eyes,

The honesty with which you admire, never taking support of any lies,

The beauty with which you dazzle the eyes of your friends,

Forces me to pray to Lord everyday that our frindship never ends.

After years I've fetched a possession for which I'm really selfish,

If circumstances push us in different directions, my life will get hellish.

The way you have smoothened the coarse hopes within me with confidence

Have cemented our friendship and the longing of never losing my existence.

Never any uneventful happening coerced you to lose faith on me,

And with every passing day I realise your affection will not let me free.

I cannot do anything much to express how much respect I have for you,

If you ever leave me, I know I'll drown painfully in the Earth's blue.

I surely cannot remember any good that I ever offered you from my side

But all that charm which you presented me despite I was pretty snide.

I can still see that day when you held my hands and said that I'll be never alone,

And very gracefully you lifted all my agony and within seconds happily they were gone.

I sat bemused, gaping on an Angel who conspicuously descended with a bouquet of love,

And in return simply carried all those dead flowers of my rueful past's bluffs.

Since the day you stepped into my life, I never dwindled on the path of reaching mirth,

You emanated some fresh sparks of hope in my extinguishing joy's hearth.

I forgot how had I shivered in the past because of my ironic solitude,

As your fresh footprints erased the signs of my defeats and I felt myself renewed.

Everyday I look into the mirror, I see your trust glistening from my eyes,

And that inevitable love which internally colored me, which came with you in disguise.

I feel complacent finally with what I have got and I feel I'm a potentate,

After the sound of your holy footsteps on my life, I know I'm not a waste.

Every night I kneel in front of the heavens to pray that no one parts me from you

And we stay together forever like those best friends which God created very few.

The Red Rose of Autumn

Never did I feel that it would be my heart that I was about to miss,

When after 2 years of our friendship I realized that your smile gave me bliss!

Yesterday we were indeed miles apart in opposite directions to explore,

And today you rest on my shoulder as we watch the horizon from the velvet shore.

I always sang melody but this time I emanated those notes which I had never sung,

Even your faintest glimpse was enough for clotting all the blood in my breathing lung.

We had been friends for some time but I never felt losing myself before you this way,

Suddenly all the roses from the paradise rushed to adorn my already shimmering day.

I was always proud of my confidence but it did not work in front of you,

Your killing eyes always made my knees go weak and I messed up with what to do!

Whatever dialogues I had planned the previous night to blurt before you with grace,

Were rendered untold as I was awkwardly speechless in front of your calm face.

Curse it! When I was only friends with you, I could speak to you openly,

And now when I wish our friendship climbs a higher step, I act so dumbly!

The serenity of your intellect and the loudness of your beauty gets me dazed,

How can someone be so flawless? ... Your perfection always made my heart amazed.

Whenever I see you chuckle and giggle in the way an innocent child does,

I get trapped in your charm even more and can barely move in the whole fuss.

I can hardly sleep now and my whole nights are consumed thinking of you,

And with the soaring sun I can see your face, smiling happily out in the blue.

Color red has turned out to be the friend I always hoped for in my past,

I feel that it stains me with odour and hue dated for forever to last.

The pellucid eyes of yours spell a trance on me, whenever I look into them

And blossom some ancient exotic flowers of the Garden of Eden on my stem.

I never enjoyed such a restless feeling ever before,

Out of all the emotions with which I was drenched, this is the only one that I allure.

Love is indeed like the red rose of autumn, which is as beautiful as anything can be,

It is that force which pushes you higher towards solace through the steps of glee.